Story Time

I Had My Recurring Childhood Dream Analyzed

My best friend is hard at work with her studies. She is studying psychology. She is currently in year one and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She is balancing a full time job with her studies. Earlier this year one of her first assignments was to analyze a dream. I stepped forward mostly because I was truly curious about my recurring childhood dream or in a way it was a nightmare. It truly did scare me and I would dread going to bed. I must have been five or six years old when this happened and I can clearly remember ever detail of the dream.

The Significance of Dreams in Psychoanalysis

by Anje Tait

Dream Description and Analysis

The dream of Cassandra Meaker will be described and analyzed. This recurring nightmare plagued Cassandra’s dreams during the age of 5. Particular attention will be put on her experiences during this time and the events that occurred some months after her dream. Emphasis will be put on Cassandra’s personality traits and ultimate behavior as an adult.

The Dream

“There were three rooms, I was always tied to a chair in the center of the middle room. The room on my left was clear and I could see into it through a large window. It looked much like a slaughterhouse, pieces of meat hung from hooks on the ceiling. A loud scraping sound from a fan always came from the room, making me want to run away from it. The room on the right was always unclear, there was an opening, but it was too dark to see into the room. I remember crying and yelling for help, trying to escape from the chair. My captor would then appear, he had devil horns and his entire body was black, except for his bright red eyes. He would ask me something in a language I didn’t understand, when I couldn’t answer he would get angry and torture me by cutting my legs. I would always wake up after that. ”


Dream Analysis

Using Carl Jung’s belief that dreams could be predictions of the future, unconsciously she could have felt like she had to make an important choice about an event that had yet to happen. In her dream this choice is symbolized by the two rooms, however it was already clear to her what room she wanted to choose. This is substantiated by her annoyance with the room on her left and her wish to run to the one on her right. According to Jung’s techniques, her captor only focusing on cutting her legs could refer to an unconscious fear of not being able to escape from a bad situation or the loss of her freedom. These factors could refer to her parent’s divorce, though it happened 2 years after the dream, she admitted to having felt tension between her parents in the years leading up to the divorce. The choice that she unconsciously felt she had to make does not necessarily refer to choosing which parent she wanted to stay with, but could refer to the divorce itself. She felt confused as to why it was happening and wanted to escape from it all together, yet she knew that she was powerless to stop it. She admitted she believed in the devil, during the time of the dream and often blamed the devil for bad experiences. This is further supported in her dream, as she sees the devil for the reason of her pain and suffering, telling her something she didn’t understand. This could refer to the divorce and her reluctance to accept it. As an adult today she is extremely independent and values her freedom, she is very decisive and makes decisions almost immediately. This behavior is apparent in her dream, as she already knew she wanted the room on the right and her captor only focused on injuring her legs, which could symbolize freedom for her.



Story Time

My Scary Online Experience | Creeper Alert

I don’t think I’ve ever sat down and told this story to anyone. When I decided to share this story I made a voice note just to tell the story and get the timeline right and boy was it a long voice note. 17 minutes to be precise. So straddle in, this will be a long and cautionary tale.

I was seventeen when a creeper made my life hell online. Okay so I need to start with a back story or I might lose some of you. Back then we just started to recover from our big financial knock – we were homeless for four months. I was in my second last year of high school and old enough to start looking for a job. So I did just that. I made a post on an online site similar to Craigslist. High school student looking for a part time job. The idea was to get a babysitter job but I was open to a shop assistant job and everything that I could balance with my school. I attached a picture of myself – which I’ve learned was a big mistake. Now I got quite a bit of response on my advert and I think only three was about an actual legit job.

“Do you want to be a nude model for us?”

“We pay … for a sex scene!”

“Will you come babysit me?”

I quickly became a little bit more aware of what attraction I was getting. So for these people to sneak through my cracks just shows how well their little operation runs. A women reached out to me with a very professional email stating what she does, where she works and what she needs from me. She proceeded to tell me how my salary would work and all in all the entire thing looked very professional. She had a website attached to the email, a real address – which was about a two hour drive away from my house but as I would only work online everything seemed perfect. The email address she contacted me with all worked with the website and so called business. The website didn’t look out of order. It might be a real business with a real website or it could be a front website. I’m not entirely sure. I don’t have any of the details anymore.

So I responded to the email absolutely enjoying this big job opportunity. It was online and the job at the time seemed to be legit. I do want to add now I can clearly see all the warning signs so I feel a little silly for not noticing anything dodgy earlier. Anyway so she gives me my first big job. My job was to reach out to a potential client and convince them to sell their rare coins. I was instructed what I had to say and their contact details. I did as she constructed me to do, I send the man a very professional email about his coins. He responded with a photo of the said coins but changed the subject to me. He wanted to know more about me. Where I go to school, how old I am and requested a photo of myself. At the time I didn’t think too much about it. I would like to think I didn’t tell him where I went to school but I’m not sure. I shared my age and the same picture of the advert from before. He responded with the usual compliments and I didn’t think much about it. He was very clever with changing the subject away from the coins and toward anything else he could think of. I went along with his conversation and it came to a point where I was receiving emails from him nearly every day. It staid innocent for quite a long time and so he gained my trust. Back then I was writing werewolf novels for an online website, Wattpad. Around this time I’m exploring my sexuality. I was in a relationship with my second boyfriend and how do I put this without sounding like a complete bitch. Well let’s say I wasn’t completely satisfied and my werewolf stories featured some heavy sex scenes. Although to the standard of what you get out in the world it’s so vanilla. Think of a sex scene in a normal romantic movie. Some kissing, some naked leg and maybe you get a boob and then the screen goes black and we go straight to the next morning. Okay so anyway back then no one knew about my Wattpad account. I didn’t like the idea of my family and friends reading my stories so I kept it quite under the raps. Not much has changed since then as I still don’t like family and friends reading my novels. Well Onno doesn’t count but it took him a year to get access to that part of my life. Okay I’m going slightly off topic.

As you might have guessed, I told this man, let’s call him James my Wattpad account details. He looked me up and showered me with comments about my writing style and asked a little about this so called steamy sex scenes but I didn’t add fuel to fire. I changed the subject and brought the coins up once more. The conversation didn’t stay innocent for very long when suddenly I got an email from him with an attachment. James shared that another women contacted him that works for another company about his coins and she was very adamant to get it from him. Let’s just say it was a very here is my nearly nude body in skimpy underwear shot. For the first time a small warning bell rang but not loud enough because I changed the subject and brought it back to the coins but at the same time I contacted the original employer, let us call her Anna. Anna responded nearly immediately and simply said I should give him what he wants so we can get the coins. She reminded me of the so called big pay day. I found her response very strange. James contacted me almost the same time I got her email threatening to go for the other girl as she is willing to provide other services. By now I finally caught on about their little game and I wanted out. I responded to his email stating that I wasn’t interested in the coins and he should just go for this other girl. James immediately responded trying to sweet talk his way into receiving a similar picture from me but I wasn’t having any of it. I stopped answering his emails and it kept coming. It took him exactly five emails to get angry and so the threats started.

The email I was using had my full name and back then my Facebook was as public as it can be. So he typed my name into Facebook and used the information he found on their against me. He knew my friends names, my mother’s name, my brother’s name and close family members. He started emailing me their names and information he found on their public profile. I was scared at this point. I was scared for my friends and family because who knows what this person will do with this information. He knew I was scared but not scared enough so he pulled out his final card. He made a website.



On this website he had all my information he found on Facebook and then some. My school, my age, my hometown, my height, my age, my full name and my profile picture which was the same picture I used on the advert that attracted this creep. Not only that, he had a little snippet of my so called steamy scene from my novel with some changes. My name and his name was now the main character with a little paragraph stating that I’m not who I seem to be and I wrote this hot story to arouse my older lover. He furthered the blow by attaching three pictures of naked women pleasuring themselves with their hair in their face. Their hair color was similar to mind and at first glance, well in my panic and afraid state, it could be seen as me. I was horrified. Attached to the link of the website he threatened to send this email link to every student he can find that goes go to my school.

I was mortified at the idea how massive the scandal would be. Teenagers can be ruthless and I was already bullied, it made my blood drain cold. It didn’t occur to me that my close family and friends would know these women isn’t me as I had tattoos already and that would be my giveaway. I cracked at this point and told my mother about what was happening. She was understandably very upset and almost immediately drove me to the police. Although the both of us knew that nothing would happen, no one will be punished but we hoped that us reporting the accident would be enough to scare the man off. I told him just that.

“I went to the police. Please stop contacting me.” I blocked that email after getting enough evidence for the police. Only a few hours later I got an email from the Anna who was very disappointment in me as I just lost this big client and how she would never work with me again. I never responded to her email. Not long after her email I got a email from a new email address. Another…(my email address) I immediately knew it was James. He was livid. The email went along the lines off:

“How dare you block me! The police can’t stop me. If you don’t send me a nude picture in the next two days I will send that link to every single person you know.”

That night I deleted every single social media platform of mine including Wattpad. I didn’t want him to find me or get any more information he can use against me. The next morning we saw the school guidance counselor who couldn’t really do anything for us. There was nothing we could do. If this man wanted to send this link to everyone he can find with a public Facebook profile that goes to our school he can. I walked out of her classroom not feeling like any of my problems were solved and I was still scared of what might happen next. In between I was getting all my facts and evidence straight to hand over to the police. I felt like if I had the police call or email this guy he will back off. While all of this was happening he was sending me links to the website, listing my friends who was going to get his message first. He attached screenshot of their profile and it scared my shit-less. At this point I was in a complete state. I had no idea what I should do or how to get myself out of this mess. I responded with his email trying to sound, or well type as bravely as I could. I lied through my teeth. I would do anything to scare this guy off. My dad was in the army and he has a lot of guns. My step dad’s father used to be the police captain in this town and he still has contacts. My mother is a big mommy bear and she will come for you.

“The police has taken my case in consideration. They have suggested that I break off all contact from you. This will be the last time you hear from me. Please refer to the police department of… for further contact.” Something along those lines. I blocked that email address before he could respond and for the next two days I waited in complete angst. I waited for that link to spread like a wildfire. I was trying my utmost best to mentally prepare for the horror most likely to unfold. I would check on the website every now and again, I couldn’t help myself. Not even 8 hours after my last email the website shut down. It was no longer an existing website. I knew at that very moment that he fell for my bluff.  The big day arrived and nothing happened. I was cautious for a week or two. A big part of me knew that it was all over but I couldn’t relax. It took me a few months to open my social media accounts and even longer to restart my writing.

I have no idea who James and Anna is and I now know the two of them are most likely one person. I also know deep down in my heart that I wasn’t the first girl they did this too nor would I be the last. I can only hope all of the girls could escape their claws and none of them actually showed their bodies to fight of their threats.

The moral of this story is just to take caution. Listen to your instincts and be open to those warning signs because in my case it was there at the very beginning. If something is too good to be true, often it is. These creepers don’t just lurk around in movies, they exist and are torturing young girls in real life. After the incident I will admit I was a little afraid. It took me a long time to use my real name publicly. I know this man could find me quite easily if he wants to today but I also know that I’m way smarter than I was back then and no one will be taking advantage of me this way around. The internet has so much good to offer. There is no way I’m going to allow some creepy guy in his mother’s basement to ruin that.


Story Time

My Top 5 Dream Places That I Want To Visit | Wanderlust

I’m feeling some withdrawals from lack of traveling so why not imagine and dream about my top five places I want to see before you know, bye-bye?

  1. Japan

I fell in love with Japan through watching anime. I’ve seen parts of what it has to offer through said anime and not only fell in love with the country, language but culture as well. Everything fascinates me and it would be a dream come true to experience that in person. I want to feel the cherry blossoms on my skin and touch their bright colors. I want to eat ramen and fry meat on a little fryer inside the table. I want to drink sake on a porch. I want to go to a natural hot spring. I want to wear a kimono and go to a festival. I want to pray at a temple. I want to make a lucky charm. I want to stay in the traditional house. I want to meet the locals and experience the country side. It’s a beautiful country and I can’t wait to make many great memories there with my husband.


  1. London, England

Ever since I read and watched Harry Potter I’ve been interested in the cold rainy country. I want to tick of everything on a typical tourist agenda but add seeing the country side and visit family. The Big Ben, the London Eye, Stonehenge, something Harry Potter related for sure, Buckingham Palace, the bridge and so much more.


  1. Rome, Italy

Another movie sparked my interest in this country although I have a special need to see Rome. I’m very interested in the Italian culture, the food looks delicious and overall the country looks beautiful. I have a thing for old architecture. Also I can visit family so it’s important place on this list for sure.


  1. Northern Lights, Norway/Sweden

To see the northern lights is on my bucket list and definitely a perfect candidate for my top five. Another movie sparked this interested if I’m honest. Disney’s cute movie, Brother Bear. After watching the film as a young child the lights in the sky was something so beautiful and exotic I knew I would see it one day.


  1. France

I’ve been to Paris before and it was truly one of the best experiences in my life and I would like nothing more to see France as Paris is only a hint of the beautiful country.



My favorite and most memorable travel story is Paris. I ventured into the city with my best friend and locals. They truly made the weekend one of my favorite memories. Previously my best friend’s parents met this lovely family and they kept in touch. So when the time came for the two of us to make the trip out to Paris they welcomed us with open arms. They picked us up at the bus stop with our country flag and took us to meet their family and ordered us the best pizza I’ve ever tasted. They had potatoes on top of a pizza. Heaven! The next day we had our first full day in Paris. They took us to the palace where we explored the royal grounds and also went for a boat ride which I attempted to row but yeah…Let’s just say we never moved away from the wall and we basically staid put. My friend nearly passed out from laughing. It’s a memory that always makes me smile. The next day we took the tourist bus and saw so much of Paris that it was breathtaking. The Eiffel tower was like a dream, the boat ride, the views, the churches…everything about it was truly so wonderful. I took over a 1000 pictures that day. I’m not even kidding. I just wanted to capture everything so I could never forget it. Our third full day in Paris we went to outer parts of it, saw the vineyards and explored the narrow streets. I would go back in a heartbeat.


I love to travel and although Onno and I explored only a few towns outside the Netherlands I can already tell that traveling with my loved one is truly amazing. I can’t wait to see the world with him.


Story Time

A Letter For My Future Self | Bucket List

Before I start my letter for my future self I should probably explain a little bit. Early this year I started a bucket list which basically holds all types of ideas and dreams that I want to turn into memories. Some of them are serious ones like get my degree, buy a house, have a baby and etc but then I have some crazy ones. I just want to step outside my comfort zone and experience new things. Every now and again I like to open my bucket list and pick something.

Here was my options for today:

  1. Get interviewed
  2. Have a son
  3. Perform the shrine maiden dance
  4. Learn how to belly dance
  5. Dance under the moonlight with an American Indian (Think the Pocahontas Tribe)
  6. Try Henna ink on myself
  7. Create my own dance routine
  8. Ice skate on a frozen lake
  9. Watch all the Harry Potter movies in one sitting
  10. Have a snow Christmas
  11. Make a snowman
  12. Write a letter for my future self
  13. DIY galaxy painting

Quite an interesting list if I do have to say so myself. It was a tossup between Harry Potter marathon, this letter and the galaxy painting. I don’t really have the time for a marathon right now as I’m concentrating on my Dutch and painting with Speculoos in our tiny apartment is a massive thing so letter it is!


Dear Cassandra

It’s the year 2027 now and the robots mostly likely took over but maybe your new master will allow this letter. You probably won’t remember writing this so prepare to be entertained. You used to be funny.

I’m trying to picture us/you as a 31 year old, oh wait sorry a 30 year old. We decided on forever 30 right? I guess I should start of by saying what I imagine where you are in life right now. Stop me when I’m wrong. To be honest this letter would be so much cooler if you wrote a letter for me and basically give me cheat codes but what’s the fun in that. Alright so you’re 30…You’ve been married for ten years and you probably have a busy career and kids…I’m trying to brainstorm on what I should say. I just imagine you to be very happy. I know how you’ve always wanted kids so I bet your loving every second with them. I bet they’re so cute and I really hope they took after Onno. I hope you decided on my baby boy name. I wrote it down but I know you wouldn’t have forgotten. Are you still enjoying the married life? Oh how is the dream house? Do you have the picture and paint wall like we dreamed of? If not then you have a big weekend ahead. The kids will love the painting wall. I’m sure you will make a big game out of it. Is Speculoos still around? He must be so old by now. As I’m writing this he’s still a kitten chewing on my toes. I hope you visit our parents often and still stay in touch with the friends and family. You probably have a lot of new friends now. I’m sure they’re great people. Oh your Dutch must be so good by now. I hope you haven’t forgotten where you came from. I hope you still speak Afrikaans and enjoy a good night in front of a fire.

Oh I wish you can tell me all about your studies. You probably just finished your master degree if you decided to proceed but all in all I just want to say I’m so proud. We both never thought we will have the opportunity to study and now look at you. You have a degree! I’m confident you are a great nutritionist and you help many people every day. Oh please tell me there is gluten free donuts or better yet a cure for celiac? I bet the robots cured cancer and the world finally has peace. I hope people are finally accepted for their true selves and hate is something of the past. I hope you still dream big. If not you better start! I’m sure there will be something in our pink book to tick off. Bucket lists are so much fun. Oh I hope you saw Japan! I bet you loved every second of it there. The cherry blossoms must have been an one in a lifetime sight. Did our parents come over to visit us in the Netherlands? I’m sure they love it as much as you do. I’m asking a lot of questions and I bet you have a few questions too. I guess I can try to guess what my future self would ask my current self.

Oh I can tell you that currently you’re studying Dutch for the big language immigration test. You’re three weeks out from the big test and your mother in law is helping you so much. I’m sure you thanked her properly. Your blog is still a baby and writing content has been so much fun. I’m confident you still love it. Oh how is your novels coming along? Did you ever finish those two big story ideas? You wrote the entire idea down and made a voice memo of it so if you forgot I’m sure you will find it. Oh look at me asking you more questions! What else would you ask me? Hmmmmm you probably want me to tell you a little bit about Onno. He’s as sweet as ever. Currently he’s working in his office in your poke a dot robe. He’s still working in Utrecht and the two of us are still living in our first apartment in Rotterdam. Oh and we’re training for our bicycle tour. I’m sure that was a great experience.

All in all…Cassandra I hope you are still the same quirky girl that moved to the Netherlands with so many dreams. I hope that you still watch anime, cry in sad movies, pet every dog you see and kiss Speculoos to the point of torture. I hope that you still drink milk in your tea and can drink one litre of orange juice in one big go. I hope you still paint your toenails every three months in that little rainbow you do. I hope you still fart in front of Onno and play with your hair when you’re nervous or bored. I hope you still write stories and I hope you’ve found peace and forgiveness from your childhood. I hope that you’re truly happy but who am I kidding. You must be the happiest you’ve ever been. Send my love and regards to our babies and tell them I can’t wait to meet them. Give a big kiss to Onno and tell him I still love him even if his bold now.

Oh I have an idea. Here is a command. You have to complete this with the family on the next weekend. Have a food fight in the backyard! I expect a big mess. Make tons of popcorn, buy chips, get flour, rice and everything you can think off. Make three packets of pasta. Really get a good amount of food. Every person gets three large bowls of food. Have fun! Oh and don’t worry about the clean up. I got you boo!

Lots of love, Cassy

And remember to…

Live every moment with a open heart!


Links to connective blogs:

My husband chose my look for the day:

I’m 21 and I have a bucket list:


Self Love, Story Time

Why I Stopped Wearing A Bra

I haven’t worn a push up bra in over a year. 18 months to be exact. The reason why I decided to ditch the boob holder was pretty simple. One night, after a very long and exhausting day I came home and the very first thing I did was take my bra off. I can bet some good money that most women who wear or have worn a push up bra or a bra in general know exactly what I’m talking about. That incredible feeling of pure bliss as the bra goes flying through the air.

After hours of wearing the wire and fabric concussion; it left a dent in my skin. It hurt like hell. My skin was bruised and sensitive. It wasn’t my first time nor would it be my last time (well it was but that’s not a part of my point) that this happened. Much like the eureka moment with my shaving habits my thought process followed along the line:” why am I wearing a bra?” I was around eleven when I started developing breasts. I remember my mom started to encourage a sport bra but at that point I didn’t see the big deal of it. Or well till an older boy in the neighborhood made a comment about my growing breast. So I started wearing bras but the comfortable ones. Eventually I switched to push up bras for more support and a day wouldn’t go by without a bra. Approximately six years the first thing I would put on in the morning is a bra. It would also be the first thing that goes.

Anyway back to my aha moment. Why am I wearing a bra? Well because I’ve been wearing a bra since my boobs grew. It seemed very logical. It was expected to wear a bra. If you have boobs and you go out in public you have to wear a bra. It’s something society enforces ever since I can remember. At this point in my life I was making conscious choices about my body. I didn’t want to do anything to my body that I truly didn’t want to do. Do I want to wear a bra? It was a big hard no. I can’t express the level of comfort I feel without a bra in my life.

Free the boobies and go braless!

Now it’s not all sunshine and rainbows in the world of braless. I’ve gotten quite a bit of a response to my lack of bras.

“You can see your nipples.” Oh I didn’t know a nipple stand when it’s cold isn’t a natural body function. Insert a gasp.

“Your boob are saggy.” Maybe but what does that have to do with you?

“Your cleavage looks gross.” See the worry in my eyes.

There has been so much more but honestly my response is that this is my body. This is my choice. If you don’t like being braless than that’s you honey. If you don’t like seeing a women without a bra than that’s you sugar. If you think I look ugly or less feminine without a bra than that’s you honey. But here is the thing. This is my body and I will decide if I want to wear a bra or not. I have no idea if I will never wear a push up bra again. Maybe in a few years I decide to incorporate them again but for now I will stick to my sport bras.

I also want to add this as a little side note: there has been some scientific research about the subject. Here is a link to an article —

Otherwise my advice to you is to just take a second and decide for yourself if you want to wear a bra or not. Challenge what society expects from women. Take control and make your own choices when it comes to your body.


Story Time

My Shoulder Injury | How It Happened And My Recovery

I’ve mentioned my shoulder injury here and there on my website and if you scroll back on my Instagram you will find pictures and updates about the journey but I figured why not put it in a blog. This way all the information can be on here. Now I just need to think how technical and factual I will get in this post. I guess I will see how it goes.

Alright so the best place to start is; how did I injure my shoulder? I briefly mentioned it in my airplane horror story but why send you there if I can sum it up here? You should still go give that blog post a read. Yes self promotion at its finest, but seriously it’s quite an entertaining read. Go read it. I will link it below to make things easy for you. I know I’m going of subject a little but you’re still here right? Right? Don’t go! Come back!

Baby come back! Song reference for the win!

I’m going to copy and paste this part because well I already explained how I injured my shoulder so prepare for some sense of déjà vu. There was two hours in between my flights and not a lot of time to spare. My two flights were literally at the opposite ends. I was so close to my boarding gate when it happened. Someone called: “Cassandra!” Cassandra being my name and the chance that there was another Cassandra in the airport, in the exact location I was at 2am in the morning is so small I responded to my name in a panic. Now you got to know I was mid run (trying to find and get to my gate in time) and carrying a shit ton of weight on my one side. The beloved laptop that I’m using to write this very blog. With all my important documents in the mix my laptop bag weights over 10kg. The weight is not that important but just the action I took when I heard my name. I turned to the voice so quick, I got whiplash. Whiplash alone is nothing pleasant but the weight threw things off even more. A horrible snap sound followed and a blaring pain shot through my entire body. The pain so intense I nearly screamed like a little girl and dropped my laptop. The searing pain made it unbearable to even lift my arms or move a inch. The last thing I wanted to do was fly for 9 hours.

The rest of this post is all original content and I’m sorry that I’m bubbling so much. I have no idea why. It’s just how this story is coming out from my mind and I try to keep my blogs free and true to my personality. How ironic that my little explanation on why I’m all over the show and constantly off topic only took me further off topic. I will however get my shit together and really explain shit. Oh wow so much shit. Okay. Sorry. I will start now.

After the injury I took a few days of rest. I was hoping it would be one of those things that would disappear with time. If I remember correctly I took a week and a half off from any strengthening training. Eventually I barely had any pain or discomfort so I figured it was something of the past and the muscle simply healed itself. It happens right? It took me one training session to irritate the so called ‘healed’ muscle and frequent pain and discomfort became a part of my life. I again took a week and a half off in hopes that time would heal my wound. Again I tried another training session after the time has passed and regret. So much regret. It then occurred to me maybe I wasn’t giving it enough time and all my training session did was just making it worse. So I vowed to take an entire month off from training and if the pain doesn’t go away I will see someone for it.

The month passed and the pain didn’t go away. I do want to add at this point all of my pain was in my neck. Sleeping was agony. I then figured the best person to see was a chiropractor. My spine was out of alignment (I think it’s been a year, something wasn’t in the right place) and he snapped it back for me and promised within a few days the pain will be gone. Almost immediately the pain moved from my neck to my shoulder. I waited a week before I figured the pain won’t go away and I need help. At this time my father was seeing a physio for one of his injuries and he discussed my pain and she recommended I come in to see her. So I went. I was desperate for pain relief and I wanted to get this injury over with and get back to training. I had two sessions with her. The first one she pressed and pulled out the needles for pain relief. If I remember correctly she said that the muscle was tense or something like that. She promised that within a few days the pain will be gone. Guess what? It didn’t happen so I went in for my second appointment after a few days and again the same treatment. Pressing, probing and needles. Promise of pain relief…if I’m honest I don’t think the physiotherapist knew exactly what muscle I injured and thus the treatment wasn’t working.

I moved back to my mother’s place and found a new physio almost immediately. My new physio struggled a little to find the problem as it’s such an uncommon injured muscle. So when the first treatment didn’t work she figured it out. Once the root of the problem was identified we could finally treat the cause. This was when I could really feel the difference. My shoulder was finally healing. With regular appointments and with the right treatment things were looking up. We came to a point where it looked like my shoulder was only a few treatments from good as new. I was back at my father’s for the weekend. He needed help with renewing the water in his fish pond. I told him that my shoulder wasn’t ready for it but he couldn’t do it either and as my body is younger I had to step in and I mean literally step in the gross water pond. His fish was dying. There wasn’t anyone else that could do so Cassandra to the rescue. I hated every second mostly because I couldn’t see the fish and the water was dark, muddy and slippery. Gruesome. Anyway I had to fill a bucket and throw it out the side. I tried to keep the bucket as empty as possible so the weight won’t be too heavy. Using only one arm was difficult and I felt like eventually I would just hurt my other shoulder so yeah. Both arms in and the frequent movement coupled with the weight just threw my shoulder three months back.

It was frustrating as prior to the fish pond I was so close. I could smell the finish line. I was falling more and more off track. Strap. Ouch. Probe. Press. Strap. Ouch.  Probe. Press. Strap. The cycle continued till eventually the day arrived where I could start recovery reps which is basically a modified exercise. Wall push ups. At this point it’s been close to 12 months and I was ready to put the shoulder injury behind me. I can’t really express the joy I felt when the physio cleared me for more training. She advised a few movements I could do and at the pace I should go. I’ve been training my arms very slowly as to this day if I push it too far the pain comes back. I’ve been meaning to see a new physio here in the Netherlands for a check up but I guess now that this is going up I really should just get it over with. Hopefully it’s all good.

For the people who might be interested in some technical stuff here is part of the letter my South African physio wrote for my new physio.

“She had hurt her shoulder with a  ‘above head’ movement. M Serratus anterior was definitely involved and weak with tests, which I thought was the main muscle of injury. All scapula humeral muscles were involved at that time due to pain, inflammation and immobilising of the shoulder by the patient, due to pain. I have worked a lot on fascia release and re-educating the correct movement patterns. We have strapped (leukotape…rigid) it several times to take some load off the shoulder girdle muscles. That seemed to work really well. Her shoulder is getting stronger and she is almost pain free!”

That’s about it. Sorry if this blog has been all over the place. Basically the road to recovery has been long and I’m still not back to normal arm strength as my shoulder is still sensitive to weight and movement.


Link to connective post:

The Airplane Flight Straight From My Nightmares:

Story Time

Life After One Month Of Marriage | Lemon Meringue Recipe

They say once you get married everything changes. I don’t know who this ‘they’ is but I don’t see their point. The only thing that changed is now Onno wears a ring.

Excuse me while I get sappy for a few sentences. Onno is truly the best thing that ever happened to me. I met him when I was 19 years old. I just started to discover myself as an adult and he pushed me (gently of course) in the right direction by encouraging me to always follow my dreams and never apologize for being quirky. I learned from him and I taught him a few things as well. We grew together. I’m in no way the same person I was when I met him but that’s not a bad thing. Onno once said that he had a feeling before we met. He just knew that this was it. I’m truly so grateful to have found my soul mate so early in life. Each moment we spend together just makes my life oh so much brighter and I look forward for all the memories we will make together.

You’re only married for one month once so I went all out with the celebration. My morning started with running to the shop to get ingredients for my special lemon pie and balloons. I made lemon meringue (lemon pie with meringue on top) many times before and boy did I get cocky. I didn’t feel like it was necessary to follow the recipe. Happily luck played in my hands and I managed to save the pie and follow the recipe before things went south. As the pie cooled down and cleaned the kitchen before it was time for the balloons. It was a full time job and absolutely draining to blow up the balloons and hang them with Speculoos around. He found the entire process very now what’s the word…it angered him. How dare I spend so much time on this air pumping machine and not cuddle with him? I took me a hour and a half to set everything up. My thumb is still numb from the balloon pump. Afterwards it was time to start with dinner. I wanted the food to be ready five minutes after Onno gets home as I know my husband comes home starving. I also made one of his favorites, lasagna. As the food did it’s magic in the oven I rushed to get ready.


PS that painting in the background was a gift from one of my host kids (sorry for the white lie. Onno painted it a year or so ago and he doesn’t want people to know so shhh don’t tell him! The host kids did actually paint something for me. It’s in the office.)

I never did my makeup and hair that quick. Just before Onno arrived I put on a very romantic fireplace video which brought everything together. The timing was perfect. Onno arrived and boy was he surprised. I think he expected a nice cooked meal but the house fully decorated? Why would I go so far for our one month mini-anniversary? Well because I love my precious Dutch boy so much and his been so great to me. We immediately devoured our food and damn did it taste like heaven. My taste buds had a field day. It was so good. I’m not even tooting my own horn it was that good. Ask Onno. His my husband…he won’t lie. After dinner we enjoyed the fireplace and talked. It was amazing. I went on and on about babies and kids (Onno is no longer scared) and our plans for the next few months. Dessert was heaven and the perfect touch to the evening. It was truly a great evening. Private, romantic and delicious.

It’s been a wonderful first month and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with my husband. I figured I can’t have this post without my precious husband making a guest paragraph. Hence why this is going up so late on a Friday. Onno is a very busy working man and he needs to proofread my entire blog before it can go up. Enough of me. Onno’s turn!

“I came home so surprised! This was all so unexpected but then again knowing Cassandra you could expect the unexpected. I loved the surprise and the amazing decorations in the house. Oww and the food… now that was literally the best I’ve had since I can remember. The lasagna was heaven, that lemon cake (which I now know was a close call) was a dream. I had the most amazing evening. Let me also use this time on Cassandra’s blog to echo her sentiments, I have to excuse myself for the sappiness as well. Every time I see my wife, coming home from work or just lying next to me in bed, it creates a little spring in my heartbeat. Cassandra has enriched my life with a sense of purpose and a future to work towards together. I love you so much my sweetheart”.

PS I only read Onno’s paragraph just before posting this and I’m blushing!


Here is the link to the video:

Lemon Meringue Recipe

lemon meringue


1 packet of marie biscuits. The brand isn’t that important as long as it is thin vanilla cookies.

100ml of melted butter (unsalted)

Crush the biscuits, you can make it completely fine or you can have so bigger bits in for that extra bit of crunch. Mix the biscuits with the melted butter and spread it out even on your pan. Pop it in your oven at 108˚C for 5 -7minutes. Keep a close eye on it. You don’t want your crust to burn!


1 can condensed milk

125ml lemon juice (You can buy this or you can freshly squeeze a few lemons. For a extra zest you can add some fine grated lemon skin to the filling. Do this at your own very lemony risk!)

2 eggs (You gonna have to divorce the egg yellow from the white. I’m sorry to be the bringer of bad news.)

50ml caster sugar (Super fine white sugar.)

Grab your mixer for this part! Throw your condensed milk into a bowl and add the lemon juice steadily while mixing the batch. Keep your mixer on a low speed. Mix till it’s a stiff pasta. In a separate bowl mix the two eggs yolk (yellow) and mix till it’s lightly and spungy. Mix the two batches with a spoon. Be gentle. You don’t want to disturb the mixture or mix out the air. Now add this mixture onto your crust (this after the short bake in the oven) and pop it back into the oven for 10 minutes (still 180˚C).


It’s time to use those two eggs whites (depending on the size of the pan I will use one more egg white just so everyone has enough to go around) and caster sugar! Make sure they is no egg yolk in the batch or your egg white won’t work. Clean your mixer (oil and egg whites aren’t friends) before you start. First beat the egg whites on a low speed. Once the eggs are close to the soft peak stage you steadily add the sugar. You want hard peaks so make sure to time it all right as you don’t want stiff peaks. Spread the mixture evenly over the top of your pie and use a spoon to make little designs or peaks in the meringue. Pop it back into the oven till it’s nice and golden. Let it cool for 30 minutes before digging in. I prefer a few hours of chilling in the fridge before I dig in. Mostly because I feel it gives the crust a bit of crispiness. I hope you enjoy!


22 August 2017 || Never in a million years did I think I’d find someone so utterly and completely perfect, someone who would make me happier than I ever dreamed I could be, someone that would touch my life so profoundly and just give me a whole new reason to breathe. But then I found you and realized that everything I anticipated you to be doesn’t even compare to who you are.


Self Love, Story Time

My Husband Chose My Look For The Day | Bucket List

I’ve brought up my age and bucket list on here before, all in one title if I’m being specific. It’s been awhile since I’ve ticked something off my list and as we have quite an empty weekend I figured why not now? This is kind of a challenge floating around on YouTube but I’m also genuinely curious to see what my husband would put together.

So the challenge is basically my husband will go through my wardrobe, throw an outfit together but it doesn’t end there. He also gets control over my make-up, so what look I will be going for my eyes and lips. He also gets to choose how my hair is going to look; straightened, curled, up, down etc. He also needs to accessorize my outfit with some type of jewelry. Afterwards I need to go out and about in the public eye for a minimum of two hours.

The Outfit Process:

Photo 16-09-2017, 17 02 20

We started with pants. I laid down all the long pants I own which I might add is on the low side and I asked Onno to pick his favorite three. He took his task very seriously and took his time choosing. “I don’t know the next round yet so I need to pick strategically.”

It was quite cute if I’m honest. The top three options was my black, dark blue jeans and my black leggings. Next up I took out all possible shirt options and asked him to choose his top three. It was interesting what colors he moved towards.

1-Photo 16-09-2017, 17 02 32

He ended up choosing a three quarter sleeved light blue striped shirt – a shirt I often wore in South Africa in the colder weather. He also chose a long sleeved grey shirt which I have had for years now but I don’t wear that often. It’s a bit tight on my arms. Last but not least he chose a very summery and cool flow and large orange shirt that I stole from my mom. It’s one of those with the big little wings on the side. I then asked him to choose the actual outfit.

“I’m leaning towards the black with something colorful at top.” At this point I was really just hoping he won’t go for the orange shirt because well it’s raining and cold outside. He chose my leggings and the light blue shirt. Two things I would never put together as a public outfit. It’s very casual. Usually I go for a shirt that’s long in length that would cover half of my butt or a dress. Mostly because I want to hide possible canal toe or panty lines.


For accessories I just asked him to choose one type so a necklace, bracelet or earrings. Onno leaned towards earrings and again he picked out his top three before making his final choice. I personally would’ve chosen the pearls or panda because it would suite the casual and natural look Onno was going for. Onno however chose the watermelons. I’m not mad. I love watermelons.

Unfortunately Onno had no choice when it came to my shoes and jacket. I only have one perfect jacket and shoes for this type of weather. It was cold and raining as usual here in the Netherlands in case I didn’t mention it before.

The Make-up Look:


Next I gave Onno all my eye shadow pallets and asked him to choose his top three. He went for two very colorful pallets with the shirt in mind and one very natural earthy pallet. 90% of the time I always go for the earthy and warm tones for my eye look. He did the same thing with the lip products. He immediately leaned towards bright colors; red and almost all my pinks.

I think he played it very safe by choosing a pallet that I would use normally and matched it with a light brown liquid lipstick. I never match an earthy eye look with an earthy lip and I almost never really use this pallet mostly because it’s not so great.


I used the bronzer shade on my lid in a oval shape and the purple metallic color in the outer corner of my lid to darken my crease. Now usually I would put a bright glittery color on my lid close to my lash line to brighten up my eye and have my eyes appear more open. I have hooded eyes so this is an important step I always take in my eye shadow routine. None of the light colors in the pallet was pigmented enough to show, so my eye look did turn out very dark.

The Hair Look:

Of course we can’t forget the hair. I really had to help Onno with this one because honestly the man is clueless when it comes to hair. I never really go all out with my hair. I have two looks I mostly rock when out in the public eye and I mostly have braided hair at home. So I just walked him through his options: my natural hair loose, my natural hair in a back pony, low pony, side pony, low side pony with the same options with straightened and curled hair. Two braids, one side braid, French braid, pony braid and all of those in a fishtail braid. Of course I brought up my messy bun which is my usual.

I never really straighten my hair or curl my hair with the iron mostly because I’m trying to grow out my hair and keep the damage to the minimal. Onno loves my straightened and curled hair and couldn’t choose between the two…so my hubby went for both. Bottom part of my hair straight with the top part in wavy curls. It took me a hour to do this. I would never think of specially styling my hair when it’s raining outside mostly because it’s a clear waste of time. What the hubby wants he will get.

Out And About In The Public Eye:

1-Photo 16-09-2017, 15 25 48



With the jacket out in the cold I felt a little more comfortable with my leggings. We first ran some errands before going for a small date at a coffee shop close by. There I took off my jacket and I have to say the entire look was a bit too casual for me but because my hair and makeup was all done up it worked in a way.


Final Thoughts:

The experience was quite interesting and although I wasn’t entirely out of my comfort zone it was still something I wouldn’t easily put together. I do think we were quite limited with the cold weather so I definitely want to redo this little experiment/challenge in the summer. My summer collection is huge as you would expect from someone who is originally from a warm climate. All in all the experience was fun. It was great to tick something off my bucket list.

This next part is Onno’s final thoughts: “I had a lot of fun choosing the outfit of Cassandra today, it was very interesting to try and combine the different elements into a complete look. The final look was, mostly because Cassandra can pull everything off, stunning. It was also fun for me to think about parts of her look I don’t know a lot off, such as her makeup, and learn something new. Overall it was a cool experience to cross this off the bucket list together!”



Nutrition Tips, Story Time

I Have An Autoimmune Disease | Gluten Is My Devil

My first indication of a food allergy was around the age of sixteen. One morning after inhaling my usual corn flakes my stomach gurgled and I had to make a run for the toilet. The next day the same thing happened. Stomach ache and diarrhea after my bowl of cornflakes. Soon even eating my usual amount of cheese over my instant noodles didn’t agree with my body. I didn’t have any idea what was wrong or why my body was reacting this way. This was also around the time extreme and very painful stomach cramps and bloating appeared in my life. It was only every now and again but I can vividly remember a third of them.

Eventually I got the memo and started minimizing diary in my diet. Nothing extreme really. I didn’t have the knowledge or the interested to be honest to make big changes. It didn’t seem serious. So I can digest milk? What’s the big deal? I didn’t even know about the term lactose intolerant till I was nineteen years old. I’m not even kidding. Food allergies was an alien subject to me. It was around the time that I came to the Netherlands as an Au pair when I made the big switch. It was my first week here and my host mother asked me what type of milk I like. Out of a whim I said soya milk because my body doesn’t respond well to normal milk. I hated everything about the plant based milk. It took me two years to like it, but that’s not the point.

Once I started cutting out diary, the results were pleasing. Less bloating, less toilet stops but my stomach pain didn’t stop. It was something that I just accepted. I didn’t know why I was in so much pain which was happening more by the way but in my head there was nothing I could do about it. Eventually the frequency of the very bad stomach cramps got worse and the toilet stops raved up again which was strange as I really was careful with my dairy. It was around this point where I was learning more about healthier food choices and started to take note of things. Basically I was taking an extra two seconds to think what I was stuffing in my body before inhaling the food. It was a great turning point in my life. I was introduced to smoothies and vegetables started occurring in daily meals.

So as I mentioned before I started to get off track…my stomach pain wasn’t behind me and I had no idea what could be causing it. I started to hate eating. I didn’t know what I could eat without some pain and discomfort afterwards. No matter how hard I tried somewhere something in my food would make me sick.

One day my host mother and I sat down at the dining table and we discussed my health. She mentioned that she and her husband (they are doctors) thought I might be gluten intolerant that caused my sensitivity to dairy. It was the first time in my life I heard the word gluten. I had absolutely no idea what it was or what it would mean for my future. At first I thought: “that shouldn’t be so bad?” . I can cut out bread and pasta. You can’t hear my laughter but I want you to know that this makes me chuckle every time. Gluten is in everything honey. As a self test I ate gluten free food and the result was amazing. I was in no shape or form 100% gluten free but the little changes made a big difference. It was very clear that my body didn’t like the protein called gluten. I however didn’t want to change my entire lifestyle without knowing for certain.

To test if you’re sensitive to gluten you need to have gluten in your body. It makes sense right? I ate gluten foods for two weeks and it came very clear to me that gluten was the devil and it hurts me like hell. I was anything but surprised when my test results came through. I will never forget the day I opened that email. 28 January 2016. It was the day after I landed in South Africa after my au pair came to an end. Attached to an email from my host father was my test results. ‘It was just like we thought. You need to cut gluten out of your diet completely.’ By the 1st of February I was officially 100% gluten free or well trying my utmost best. It took me a few fails before I got the hang of it. There was a few slip ups with family cooked meals and my lack of knowledge of certain unexpected gluten products. Did you know even a chocolate can contain gluten? I sure as hell didn’t. After three months I knew my way around labels and had my set gluten free meals. I adapted. I’ve only willingly ate gluten twice after the 1st of February and both times I’ve regretted hours later.

The longer I went without gluten the more sensitive I became to the protein. Today products that may contain gluten is a big no and god forbid if we mix up the pasta spoon while we’re cooking. Or using the same toaster. It took me a few months before I wanted to know more. Am I gluten intolerant? Do I have celiac? Am I going to be gluten free for the rest of my life or can I eventually eat some of my husband’s pizza?

On the 1st of September 2017 I took my results to my new doctor here in the Netherlands, he could tell me nearly instantly that I have celiac. It wasn’t a big deal at first. I mean I’m already gluten free. I know by now what products are trustworthy and what slip ups to look out for. It wasn’t something new, but as the news settled so did the emotions set in. It was just like oh holy shit this is going to be my life forever. I always need to check and ask about gluten. I can never try the native food when we travel. It took me few moments to adjust completely. Now I can learn more about celiac and in essence get to know my body even more.

If you want to learn more about celiac then please feel free to follow this link:

Links to connective blog posts:

How to go gluten free:

What I used to eat at my unhealthiest time:

Story Time

31 Questions For 31 Days

How exciting! Today my blog has been online for 31 days! Obviously I need to celebrate this moment somehow and what better way than a form of 21 questions. I hope you find these questions interesting. I really enjoyed answering them!

  1. What lie do you tell most often?

That I’m fine. I’m not always fine but admitting that I’m not as happy as I should be is seen as weakness in my eyes. It’s not right and definitely something I need to work on more. It’s okay not to be okay.

  1. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?

The flag will be purple with holo sparkles and on it a unicorn eating pizza. Mark my words, I will one day have that image on a shirt and rock it.

  1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

Eat. I’m not even kidding. Let me eat. Okay maybe with all those extra time I will catch up on my series and anime. Oh wait, let me really add flavor to this cookie. I will write a ton of blog posts. Who knows? I kind of don’t want to give up on sleep.

  1. What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?

Dancing. Football. I really love the idea of being active in another way and meet new and different people.

  1. What job do you think you’d be really good at?

A personal trainer and a nutritionist. Wink, wink. Honk, honk.


  1. What’s your favorite drink?

Orange juice and Rooibos tea.

  1. What state or country do you never want to go back to?

Berlin. My visit there was anything but pleasant and I could live my entire life without ever going back and die happy.

  1. What game or movie universe would you most like to live in?

Sims but I have the same control as a player.

  1. What do you consider to be your best find?

My soul mate and husband, Onno. He truly came into my life at a perfect time and I truly blossomed since meeting him.

  1. Are you usually early or late?

I’m always early. I always make sure to arrive 15 minutes before my appointment. It makes me uncomfortable when I run late.


  1. What pets did you have while you were growing up?

We always had a mini zoo. Always a dog and a cat. On occasion a bird, hamster and rabbit will join the family.

  1. What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years?

Where is my husband?

  1. What are some small things that make your day better?

Something that has always managed to make my day is anime. In my most difficult times I enjoy diving into my favorite humorous anime. (Anime is the Japanese form of Animation.)

  1. What age do you wish you could permanently be?

Twenty one. Who wouldn’t want to be young with a strong body forever?

  1. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

Anything horror/thriller related. Spare my soul please.


  1. What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend?

In bed with my husband by my side surrounded by our favorite food and enjoying great quality movies or series.

  1. What was the best book or series that you’ve ever read?

Harry Potter of course. I honestly don’t really have a favorite book or a book I could reread twenty times. I’ve found many great books but not the one.

  1. What’s your dream car?

I don’t know much about cars. I prefer small cars because they’re easier to park but my car does need a little zoom. I mean 0 to 60km/h in 30 seconds although that might be too slow. I have always loved the Volkswagen Beetle.

  1. What is the most annoying question that people ask you?

Are you just gluten free because you’re trying to lose weight?

  1. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with absolutely no preparation?

Anything related to being gluten free.


  1. If you were dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?

First of all I would enquire a daily dose of happiness; might that be 10 minutes of dancing, video gaming or petting a cute animal. I want the positive emotions that humans hold. The negativity and bad things can stay off my island.

  1. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?

Game of Thrones.

  1. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

Having a successful business, a lovely home with healthy kids. A wonderful family life. Blessed with the ability to travel frequently. I also want to be capable of taking care of my parents.

  1. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it?

Frequent meditation and yoga.

  1. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week?

I made homemade fried chicken that was so crispy it was out of this world. I’m sorry but that’s the first highlight that pops into my head when I think of last week.


  1. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have?

This is one is interesting. I always wanted to be a doctor growing up and although my desired field is a tiny bit different I will still be in the health industry. So to be honest, nutrition is something I’m passionate about. I want to help people. The most fitting thing that I could go into after nutrition is psychology. Mental health is just has important.

  1. How different was your life one year ago?

Well for starters I was in South Africa. I was working part time for a real estate company. It was incredibly difficult at that point, the distance. We were passing the mark of our longest time apart and with many more months in the foreseeable future…things went bleak. I’ve mentioned this before but being in a long distance relationship is incredibly difficult, some days are worse than others. Especially because of all of these special moments coming up in the next few months. September wasn’t completely terrible though, I dyed my hair purple.

  1. What’s the best way to start the day?

This is going to sound cheesy as some of my answer already have but the best start of the day is with a snuggle from my adoring husband. My day doesn’t feel complete without my usual good morning cuddle.

  1. What quirks do you have?

I can’t stand it when people walk slowly and stop in the middle of nowhere in confined spaces/halls.

  1. What’s the best way a person can spend their time?

Well since every person is different and I can’t answer for them but I can answer for myself. The best way I can spend my time is by doing stuff I love which is many things in fact. Most of these things you know, as a reader of my blog.


  1. What are you looking forward to in the coming months?

These next few months are going to be quite busy and fulfilling if I have my way. I hope to find a job in the health care industry, complete the last two nutrition courses, get my personal trainer qualification (if time allows it, the time of the course might contradict with the start of my studies) and then in exactly one year I will be a nutrition student. Oh and we can’t forget the bicycle tour! For my blog however, I plan to continue sharing parts of my life with you.

That’s about it folks. I’m so incredibly happy with my blog. It’s been so much fun to write in this manner. I hope you enjoy my content as much as I enjoy sharing it with you. Please feel free to join in with your own answers. Tag me in #fitcouchpotato31 so I can give them a read.


I got these questions on: