*insert awkward wave* Hi. How are you? *insert nervous laugther*
So, uhm…hello? Welcome back? I no longer know how to start these things. Prepare yourself for a medicore at best type of blog? I don’t know anymore. So much has changed these last few months like holy shit where do I even start? I probably should’ve given this blog some thought because now I’m just lost. Do I unload everything and catch you up or do I space it out? Do I play catch up? I guess for now a good start would be to tell you where the hell I’ve been this last month. Yes, let’s go with that. I popped on down to South Africa to spend some time with my dad? I don’t know why I phrased it as a question. I was in South Africa for three weeks, a shit load of stuff happened and now I’m back in the Netherlands. Fuck, seriously. How do I write blogs? This feels so strange. I don’t really know what to say. There is so much I want to share but I also honestly haven’t processed half of the things yet so I’m twindeling my fingers here.
You know what? I’m just going to keep this short. I’m sorry I disseapered without so much as a peep for a month. I’m back now and I have so much to tell you. Okay, I’m kind of back. I won’t be back for real until October mainly because your girl needs some time to fall into her routine again. Especially now that I work almost everyday and I have to play catch up with things around the house after being gone for three weeks. But, and there is a but coming…from October and onwards, expect a shit load of content. I’m talking about collabs, the sims 4 remaking meals challenge, reviews, a new project I’m working on, a new product, a new service, a new story (first draft), a new eBook (hopefully June 2020) and so much more. These upcoming few months is going to be busy but boy I can’t wait. I have that spark back. I just needed a moment to catch my breath and collect my thoughts.
I’m not going to stretch this out for much longer. The awkwardness of this blog is almost painful. I just want to say a big thank you for all the love and support I’ve recieved on my blog while I was gone. I can’t tell you how motivated and excited it makes me for the future.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend! Until next time!
I’m going to keep this short. I will be back with my normal update schedule in September. For now, please excuse my absence. I want to use these next upcoming weeks to adjust to this new lifestyle change and work ahead so I can post content uninterrupted come September. I apologize for this. I really hate doing this but sometimes life just gets in the way. Please look forward to what I’m cooking up though. They require a bit of time but boy are they super exciting. I will see you in two weeks on the 2nd of September.
So, uhm where do I start? Life has been pure chaos lately. I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath and I’m on the edge of a full-blown mental break down. I don’t even know where to start or how much I want to share in this blog that isn’t really a blog. It’s more like a notice. I’m just going to jump straight to the nitty bitty business because I don’t have it in me to stretch it out.
I’ve had health problems this last two weeks. I’ve been so sick and I’m just not getting better. I’m seeing the doctor tomorrow. It comes and goes. I have a few moments where I feel like myself and I’m able to get some work done but I’ve had to prioritize what I choose to focus on in the rare moments I feel better. I’ve been working on something super big since February and I’m so close to being done. I need to finish it soon. For my own sanity really. I’ve written some blogs but they’re just not turning out well. They’re trash and I refuse to post shitty blogs just for the sake to have a blog go online. I pride myself in creating quality blogs and I refuse to give that up. I don’t want to miss blogs but I know you all will understand. I will make it up to you all once I’m finally healthy.
The other big factor is my father’s health. I’m not sure if I should share this as it’s not my story to tell but as my father has gone public with it, I can comfortably briefly mention it. My father is undergoing enormous surgery today. He is losing his one foot. Just between his ankle and knee. It’s big news. I’m a pure nervous wreck and my stomach hurts at the thought of my dad being on the other side of the world. I can’t do anything and it hurts. I want to be there for him. I want to help take care of him after the surgery. I want to be his support but I can’t.
I don’t have the energy to really talk about all of this. I’m emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I need a break from bad things happening in my life. Truly. But anyway…let’s talk about the upcoming activity on my website/blog.
My health and the quality of blogs I choose to share is important to me. Until I’ve recovered and I’m able to create content I’m proud of, there won’t be that many blogs going live on my website. I will try my best to line everything out so you know when to expect a blog. I’m only going to stray from my usual update schedule for a maximum of two weeks. The last two parts of my infertility journey will be going up the next two Wednesdays. I have another blog going up on Friday. I’ve been working on it for a month and I just need to wait until Wednesday to collect the last bit of data. A review is supposed to go up next week Monday but as I’ve been so sick for such a long period of time, I haven’t had the time to review anything. Originally I planned to review a restaurant but my taste buds have been pretty shitty lately so I couldn’t review it fairly. I also couldn’t stomach the thought of the food so we decided not to go. That’s about it. Basically, three blogs will go up in the next two weeks.
15 May – Infertility blog part 4
17 May – new blog
22 May – Infertility blog part 5
My update schedule should be back to normal by the 27th of May. It can be sooner but I doubt it will be much later. I’m so sorry. I really wanted to push through and follow my plan for my blog to the T but life doesn’t always allow everything to go according to plan…I hope you will understand.
Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!
PS Please refrain from commenting about a possible pregnancy. I’m not pregnant. I just have a nasty stomach bug. It hurts that every time I publically share I’m unwell and nauseous, the first response I get is the are you pregnant bit. It stings because I fucking wish with every fiber of my being that this is true. I just had to put this out there because 1) how will you know it’s insensitive to comment this to someone struggling with infertility without someone just straight out telling you and 2) I don’t have it in me to read those comment. I just can’t handle it right now.
Shit, that must be the messiest title I’ve ever written but I can’t think of anything else so let’s just go with it? I’m sorry.
I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a really long time now. I don’t know why I just never took the time to sit down and write this blog but I’m here now so let’s start with the introduction. This year in June, it will be 2 years since I’ve officially immigrated. For those who don’t know, I’m originally from South Africa. I came to the Netherlands just after finishing high school and met my husband six months in. We fell in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but we needed to figure some stuff out. How will we make the distance work? My au pair year ended and I went back to South Africa with the idea that I will come back after a few months and stay with Onno for the entire three months of my tourist visa. This was our test. Do we want to take our relationship further? He proposed just before I came back and for the next year or so, we worked on the partner Visa so I could immigrate to the Netherlands. It was a long process as we had to wait 6 months until I turned 21 to start the process. Onno came to South Africa to meet my family. We had a little wedding ceremony for my family in South Africa as we planned to marry in the Netherlands later that year. We started the long process early February and I landed in the Netherlands as an immigrant on Onno’s birthday. It was surreal. Although it was my third time coming to the Netherlands, I always had a return ticket, but this time there wasn’t anything like that. It was different. I did promise my parents that I will try to come back to South Africa every two to three years and so far, I’m planning on keeping that promise with a planned trip to go to South Africa in August 2020. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve lived in the Netherlands for a while now and I like to think I’ve adjusted to my new life here. I still struggle in the winter but that’s just because it’s really fucking cold. I love the snow though. I will take the cold every day if it means I get to play in the snow.
Things that were strange to me, in the beginning, is perfectly normal now. So much has changed over the years and I’m so thankful to call this country my home. I thought it would be fun to compare my daily life in the Netherlands and my daily life in South Africa. It’s completely different. Let’s start with South Africa.
The time frame of this is only a few months before I immigrated. I lived with my father for a few months as I thought it would be really nice. I grew up with my mother I really wanted to live with my father before I left the country. At this time, I was doing the online nutrition course so I feel it kind of compares to my blog and book workload at the moment. As weekends were always different, then and now, I’m just going to choose a random workday. Let’s make it a Tuesday.
My morning started really early when I lived with my father. He gets up for work before the sun rises so I got up with him to make him his breakfast, lunch, and iron a work shirt if needed. Waking up at 05:30 was incredibly hard in the beginning and 8/10 times I would climb back into bed after he left for work but eventually my body adjusted and I would stay awake. As those times were rare, I’m going to say I went back to bed at 6am once my dad left for work. Depending on how tired I am, I would a) read until 07:30 or b) sleep until 07:30. If I chose to sleep until 07:30 I would then read for 30 minutes and get up at 8am. On average I was out and about at 8am. I would then make myself a cup of coffee and open up the backyard so the dogs can go for a run on the field next to my father’s house. Most of the time I would sit on the chair in the sun while the dogs ran and enjoy my cup of coffee (oh how I miss coffee). The dogs would come back in at 08:30 and I will go back inside and clean up from the night before. This could be packing the clean dishes away from the night before or just cleaning the countertop. I didn’t deep clean or anything like that, it would be just a quick clean in the kitchen and that’s about it. At 9am I will return to my room, get dressed and start my studies. I would then study for about 3 hours before finally having breakfast at 11am. After breakfast I would a) return to my studies if I need to or b) go to the shops. I went to the shops quite often as there was always something I needed to do. If I didn’t drop off one of my dad’s work pants to get fixed, I would go pick up his pills at the doctor. I would usually buy all the groceries at the end of the month but I would run to the shop to top on milk, bread, vegetables and fruits for me and etc. Most of the time I would need to go to the shops once a week. I would take my father’s car and get everything done and be back at the house around lunchtime. Depending on my father’s workday he would sometimes come home for lunchtime and other times I would drop off a meal at his work (if there weren’t enough leftovers from the night before). I would then take a small break as it would be too hot to really concentrate and I would be tired from the busy day. It’s then when I would switch on the TV and watch some program. It was a lot of day time TV. Usually around this time, Botched would be on and I would watch an episode while drinking another cup of coffee. After an hour break, I would get back to my studies and study until my father gets home. I would always try to finish my studies for the day by the time he got home so I could bond with him. He would get home between 17:30 and 18:00. Some days he ran later but, on most days, he would be home around then. We will catch up with each other’s day and just have a talk as we watch something on the TV before I start dinner. I like to start dinner at around 7pm. Most of my meals are quick to prepare so we will have dinner anywhere from 19:30 and 19:45. I think on some days I would make dinner earlier but it’s been a while so I’m not sure anymore. Did we eat dinner at 7pm or did I start dinner around 7pm? After dinner, I will watch a little TV with my dad and after an hour or so I will go clean up the kitchen and hop in the shower. I would then normally go sit in the lounge with my dad for another 30-45 minutes or so before he would go take a bath and get ready for bed around 9pm. Sometimes I would watch some more TV but most of the time I would be so tired from the long day I would climb crawl into bed around 9pm and read for an hour or so until I fall asleep. Oh, there was about two months where I would walk with the dogs on the field next door but I always did that when my dad was home and he could keep an eye on me as South Africa can be a dangerous place. Walking alone is a big no-no. Oh, and I would feed the dogs as dinner was on the go. Who could forget that?
I look back now and I smile. I enjoyed those few months I lived with my dad. It was a lot of fun, sometimes it was a bit frustrating as my dad wouldn’t really help with the house duties but I wouldn’t trade those days for anything. Oh, I always do the laundry on a Monday so sometimes I would iron my dad’s work shirts on a Tuesday but I would always postpone it until about Thursday or Friday. I hate ironing.
My morning here in the Netherlands starts bright and early. I usually wake up at 7am when the husband is up and about but on certain occasions, I would snooze until 08:30. I love reading in the morning so once I wake up, I will read until I feel like starting my day. I try to get up and start my day around 9am but I also don’t beat myself up if I snooze for a bit longer. It really depends on my frame of mind or my mental headspace. Ideally, I want to get up at 7am and work but those days are very rare. Anyway, so let’s just go with the usual where I’m up and about at 9am. I will get dressed and work behind my computer until 10:00 to 10:30. In this time I would normally work on my blog: respond to comments, write a blog or whatever I need to do for my website. If I’m not working on my blog at this time, I’m writing (creatively). I have a set routine when it comes to balancing my blog and my stories. I tend to work on my blog every day all day for a few weeks until I have about a month of blogs scheduled in advance and then I will switch over to working on whatever story I’m busy with. It’s a fine balance but overall, I write every single day. Hence why I developed tendinosis. Oh, I should probably explain this. About a month ago, I found a lump in my hand. Normally, I would let these types of things go. I’m not going to rush to the doctor and instead see if it will go away. My breast cramps, oh it’s probably normal. I won’t Google it because that will fuel paranoia but it’s probably nothing. I don’t feel lumps so it’s all good. There is blood in my poo, oh it’s okay. All normal here. It’s nothing big. I did eventually ask the doctor about it once when I was there for something else and it’s normal with people with celiac disease. So, nine out of ten, I just leave it with the thought that if it gets worse or anything changes, I will go see the doctor. But…this time around I couldn’t leave it. I’m in such a fragile piece of mind, one simple lump completely spun me for a loop. I had to know what it is. I couldn’t stop touching it or wait to see if it will go away. I need to know what it is. Two days after discovering the lump, I made a doctor’s appointment. It was quite embarrassing to go to the doctor for something so small but I just desperately needed that peace of mind of knowing it’s nothing or at least knowing what it is exactly. I have tendinosis. Tendinosis is a degeneration of the tendon’s collagen in response to chronic overuse; when overuse is continued without giving the tendon time to heal and rest, such as with repetitive strain injury, tendinosis results. Even tiny movements, such as clicking a mouse, can cause tendinosis when done repeatedly. So, my insane amount of writing every single day gave me a very painful bite in the ass. Typically, you treat this by resting and taking things slowly but well I’m always going to be a writer soooooooo …basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m hurting and I need to take more breaks in between to not aggravate the situation. I might see a physical therapist soon so I can get some massaging techniques to help but yeah. If it gets worse and I can no longer move my fingers, they will inject it with a steroid and then if that doesn’t work, they remove it surgically but that’s obviously the last choice on the table. All in all, this last month writing has been a bit painful. I get cramps if I write too much and it’s just sensitive all together. I’ve tried to limit how much I write a day but I’m working on something super special that I want to launch in April so I need to buckle down and work hard. I’m almost at the finish line and then I can take two weeks off from writing altogether. Maybe I will even take a month but I have no idea what I will do with myself if I’m not going to write my days away anymore. Oh, I know, study for the 2 big immigration tests I have to do this year. Did I mention I need to my driver license this year as well? Yes, it’s a lot of fun and I can’t wait. I’m completely off topic so let’s go back to my usual day here in the Netherlands.
After about an hour or so of work, I will go downstairs and open Dankie’s cage. After we cuddle for a bit, I will drink my supplements before I sit on the couch and chill. If I found a good book the night before, I would read in this time or if I found a good series, I would watch an episode. It depends on the mood. I usually drink a cup of tea. Dankie usually wants to go out for a potty break and I will let the cat in as Dankie goes out. Around 11am I will give the kitchen a quick clean although I don’t always do this. I do tend to some cleaning around this time but it’s not a heavy cleaning session. I just tidy everything up session. If I’m in a depressive state I will often just sit on the couch and watch series all day or read. I will go up around 12pm to work some more if my hand allows it. Ideally, I would then write for two or three hours. I normally stop when my hand hurts or I’m hungry. If the weather is nice Dankie will be outside in this time period and if it’s raining, he will be in his area with his toy. I normally eat around 2pm or 3pm for the first time. My appetite has been extremely weak this last year or so but I’m taking small steps to eat my three meals everyday. I usually cuddle with Dankie on the couch as I eat breakfast and I will continue to relax there for an hour or so. I usually do the shopping on a Tuesday or a Thursday as the shops are less busy on these days so if needed, I will go to the shops by bicycle, if not I will take Dankie for a walk although these last two weeks I’ve been walking Dankie at night with Onno. If I don’t go to the shops or walk the dog, I will usually just become one with my couch until 5pm. Depending on how I feel I will sometimes do a bit of housework, play around on the internet, read or play sims as I wait for the husband to come home. Sometimes I would even go back upstairs to write some more. I try to have everything finished by the time he gets home so we can just be together. He comes home around 7pm and I will talk his ear off before I start dinner. After dinner we chill on the couch and then if I didn’t walk the dog that day, we will walk him together around 9pm. After our 30-minute walk, I will hop into the shower and go up. Onno usually stay downstairs for another 30 minute or so. I usually read for a few hours once I’m in bed. It’s a pretty relaxed day. Some are crazier than others and some days the biggest task I do that day is getting out of my bed. I don’t punish myself for feeling like this, not anymore anyway. I realize that I’m not a perfect human being and as long as I take small steps every single day, then that’s good enough. Some days I’m a superwoman that does everything without a hint of break and other days I’m a couch potato. AND that’s okay.
Although I’m on the other side of the world, my day is still similar. I don’t mind that. It’s different but some things never change. I’m grateful that I get to spend my days here in the Netherlands. I’m grateful to have such a supporting and loving husband. I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to follow my dreams. I hope you enjoyed this blog, it’s a bit random but I had fun so I guess that’s a win. I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!
Before we begin, Happy New Year! Alright, let’s jump straight into it. I’m probably not the only person out here in the big wide world that is incredibly happy to see 2018 in my rearview mirror. Not like I can drive here in the Netherlands. Even though I paid my dues and have a South-African drivers license. And no. I will never let this one go. I went through so much to get that license and I only really used it for two years max. Now I have to redo the entire process? Not cool. Naturally, I will bitch and moan about it for the next twenty years. At the start of 2018, even while some things were derailing near the end of 2017, I was dreaming of a great year. Now even though this year has been pretty damn great I mean we got a house, a car, a dog and we even went to London. Nice things happened but pretty fucking heart crushing horrible things happened too. 2018 is one ugly but beautiful year. Mostly ugly though. It tested me in ways I can’t even begin to explain. It forced me to reassess everything in my life and how I go about things. The turning point was in September. It wasn’t because suddenly things were all rainbows and sunshine. It was because I finally changed my viewpoint. It was the month that I started with sharing my past with the world. It was a month of raw healing. It was a month of hysterical crying but adjusting and finally moving forward. The next few months of the year was just as a rollercoaster than the months before but my new mindset made the world of difference.
I have big plans for 2019. Goals and plans that fell through the mud when 2018 kicked me in my figurative balls. Near the end there in 2018, I was finally figuring things out and I refuse to let go of that progress and driving force. So similar to last year, I want to share my goals and plans for the year on here. This blog will also become the featured blog for my website so for those who just stumbled onto my page, well hello there! It’s great having you!
I’m going to start with everything coming up on my website this upcoming year.
From this point onwards I’m always going to concentrate on my mental health so there will be frequent blogs on the subject. It’s something so important to me and I’ve been working on it every single day. No longer will I only concentrate it once a month for a week. No. I need to put my mental health first every single day and take at least one step, no matter the size, forward on the healing path.
I will probably still share about PCOS here and there but at this moment of time, I think I crossed the main points of the list.
From this year and onwards I’m going to start with reviews. Mostly because I really like doing them. You know me by now. I write about everything and nothing at the same time. My blog is all about different subjects for every type of reader out there. Some of my readers aren’t here for my silly story times, while others are only here for my not so frequent travel blogs. And that’s okay. It is my goal that this blog is your way of escaping the cruel world when you need a laugh. I also hope that some of my content on here is helpful. Alright back to the reviews. My reviews similar to my blog will be on a wide range of subjects. Books, products, movies, restaurants, services and maybe even series. This will be the second blog series here on my website. The first being the remaking Sims 4 meals. By now there is three online, with a new one going up just yesterday. I hope you’re enjoying the series. It’s incredibly fun to work on it. Similar to my Sims 4 series, the review series will be updated every three weeks.
Update from Future Cassy:
My two blog series; Remaking Sims 4 Meals and Reviews will always take a short three month break every ten parts. This way it gives me a chance to catch up and for there to be different content on my blog. Now my Mondays look like Sims Meal, something else, Review, Sims Meal, something else and etc.
Something that I wanted to start in 2018 but didn’t end up doing so is guest blogs. Which is basically what it reads. I will have another blogger share their content, story or whatever we decide on, here on my website while I do the same on their blog. I have never done anything like this so I can’t make any promises but I’m very excited to work with other bloggers. I will share more when the time comes but otherwise, if you’re a blogger and you feel our content are similar, please reach out to me. You can contact through my website or you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I will continue to share first drafts of my stories on here although it is very important to add that this won’t be my priority as I will be spending most of the year working on something very special. There won’t be regular updates. Currently, I’m still working on my coming of age story: Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails but it’s a short story and there aren’t that many chapters left. The last chapter of the first draft goes up on the 6th of January. Once this story is completed I will be taking at least a two-month break on ANY updates regarding my writing corner. To make everything less complicated, there won’t be a writing corner update on Sunday until April. When April comes I might have the first draft of a new story, I might restart my other ongoing story (The Girl Writing In The Train) or I might have some sort of writing series. I’m not entirely sure but we will see in April what ends up happening. I will definitely keep you guys up to date with any news regarding the writing corner. I will certainly make an update here when the time comes.
Although I only briefly mentioned this at the beginning of my blog, I want to cross some things off my bucket list. So basically there will be a few blogs about that as well. I’m looking the most forward to the food fight. Funny enough when I mentioned this, I actually opened up my little pink book that holds my bucket list and saw third on the list I wrote that I wanted to share my story and tell my parents about my past. I completely forget I wrote about this and it sparked these very emotional feelings in my gut. I’m happy I shared it with everyone. I don’t regret it at all. Another exciting thing on the list that I want to cross off is getting a trust tattoo. It’s basically as it sounds. You go into a tattoo parlor and have someone you trust to choose the design and place for it and you’re not allowed to see the finished product until it’s inked permanently onto your skin. I also for some reason have a goal to go without my phone for a week. That should actually be a very interesting experience although I have no idea why past Cassy even wanted to do that. I mean I read on my phone every single day. It’s also my way to tell time.
Although my main goal is to complete my language test so officially have the certificate that says Dutch is my second language and start the process on writing the immigration test, I also want to do all of those edX course I talked about before. At this point, I only want to complete one course but we will just have to see how busy my schedule next year is. I plan to write a lot. If there is time this year I also want to get my driver’s license (fucking again). I will definitely share about whatever course I decide to take apart in when the time comes. Maybe some of you would want to join me. It’s free anyway.
Last but not least, similar to last year I will touch on the wide range of topics. I will probably have a blog go up about fitness every now and again. And who can forget about the bicycle tour that overwhelmed the start of my blog. As mentioned in my one blog, the goal didn’t change although the plan did. We want to do an extra mini bicycle tour completely and utterly split up. The short version is basically we’re going to bicycle 60km give or take over the weekend. Wherever we stop with the tour, we will restart on another weekend. We most likely will only have two of these weekend per year but who knows. We will have to wait and see where the road takes us. I also plan to write more experimental type of blogs where I try something for a set amount of time and share my thoughts and experience on it. I have so many exciting experiments planned already and I just can’t wait to share them with you. My content really does touch base on most topics and you can expect this going forward. I can’t see myself ever sticking to one genre so to say.
Although my big goal is to have two blogs and one chapter go up per week, I learned that this is too overwhelming. Honestly, sometimes I just don’t have two blogs ideas for the week. I’m still playing catch up with my few months offline but eventually, that content will run out and I would have to write from new blog ideas and experiences from the point forward. Meaning that sometimes nothing interesting happened for a great blog. Ever since I came back online, I’ve been sticking to one blog every Monday and one chapter every Friday. As I slowly want to inch back into the two blogs and one chapter per week, I figured let’s meet the middle ground.
The first week of the month there will be one blog and one chapter for that week. There will always be a blog on a Monday but to avoid confusion, my chapters will go back to going up every Sunday. The second week of the month there will be two blogs and one chapter. On Monday and Friday there will be a blog and then on Sunday, there will be a new chapter. This will repeat. One week it’s one blog, one chapter and another week it’s two blogs and one chapter. Here is a table to really show you what I mean. It’s probably not necessary but I really want to make a fun table. *Please note that there won’t be any chapter on a Sunday until August 2019.
Another thing I really wanted to do this passing year is; have one month my super update month. Which basically means there will be a blog every single day with one chapter (if there is an ongoing story) on Sunday. It will be a month with 31 days. What month this will be is your best guess. It definitely won’t be anytime soon. I want to ensure I’m way ahead before I start to work on writing all of that content.
I have big dreams and goals for this year and I know that this time around I’m entering the year with the mindset that will push me through on those darker days. As always, I will continue to grow and I’m sure new content I can’t even predict will come up as the earth takes another lap around the sun. I’m always open to new things and as they would say, I go where the flow/wind takes me. I just want to take this moment to thank you all for all the love and support I received this past year. I’m very grateful. I hope 2019 is a great year for all of us!
Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!