Other

Fine, You Win 2019…But Fret Not Because I Will Be Back To Spam You In 2020

Heyyyyyy…so, uhmm I’m back? Well not really. I figured I should let you know what’s what regarding my blog. In case you missed my previous blog, the short story is that I have two options regarding my update schedule for the rest of the year.

  • Option 1: I will go offline and return on the 1st of January 2020. From that point and onwards, I will stick to my update schedule and share a shit ton of content. Which includes: blog series, collabs, a new first draft, new projects, new products and so much more. I just want to really quickly add here that I will probably have one or two blogs go up between now and the 1st of January. I’m not sure if that changes anything for you.
  • Option 2: Have some blogs go up but they will in no way, shape or form, be consistent. I will attempt to have a blog go up every two weeks or so but I wouldn’t hold my breath. I also can’t say now how long it would take me to build up enough content to switch back to my usual update schedule.

And yes, I did copy and paste those two bullet points from my previous blog. Your girl is incredibly lazy. I’m not going to stretch this one out, I’ve decided that option 1 would be the best move going forward. Before I continue, I just want to say that I’m going to work really, really, REALLY hard moving forward to avoid something like this happening again. Yeah, life is incredibly unpredictable but it’s not like I’m going to get ”less busy” moving forward. Damn, how did I manage to use ”moving forward” in every sentence? That my friend is talent. Anyway, I need to put in the work, get ahead and stay ahead. So, I’m going to hunker down, work my little butt off and practically spam you with content for the foreseeable future…starting January 2020.

Before I go, two things.

1) The second part of my collab with Jess from The Good In Every Day is now live on her website. Here is a little hint of my interview with her.

So many women are opening up about their health and starting important discussions regarding women’s health. How does it feel to be a part of this community that talks about these topics?

It feels good. I personally feel that it’s so important to talk about serious subjects because not only does it help you heal, it’s also making an impact in society. By telling it as it is, we’re ripping away the myths and educating others.

To read more, click here.

2) Here is an update on the realistic bird I mentioned in my previous blog. Trying to make the feathers look realistic has been truly nightmare-inducing. But hey, at least I’ve made some progress? I think it would be cool to show you the finished product in January, perfected of course. *laughs hysterically*

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Until next time!

Much love,

Cassy

PS I will probably have one or two blogs go up in between now and January. Maybe another Christmas story?

Other

I’m A Horrible Blogger…Help Me Change That

Hi? Uhmm. well, we’re here again. Another awkward hello after disappearing for almost two weeks.  I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Would you, my readers, prefer for me to 1) take a longer break and only return when I have enough content already written for a good month or 2) upload blogs as I can. I would love to know your thoughts on this.

I’m sorry for not being so consistent with my uploading. Life truly has been kicking me in the gut left and right. Some I will definitely share on here once I’m ready to talk about it. It’s a lot. I’m having an incredibly hard time working on the content I want to put out. In theory, I could try to write some type of blog for at least once a week but to be honest with you, I want to write content I’m proud of. The last thing I want to do is have a blog go up simply to have a blog go up. Quality over quantity every single time baby.

Other than that, here is a picture of a bird I’ve been working on. Ever since I’ve gotten my iPad, I’ve been playing around with digital art. This is my first attempt at realism. I will hopefully share the finished product next week when I let you know about whatever option we’re going to go for. I’m leaning towards option 1, but I will take your wishes into account. IMG_0252.jpg

Much love,

Cassy xxx

Here is a more detailed explanation of the two options:

  • Option 1: I will go offline and return on the 1st of January 2020. From that point and onwards, I will stick to my update schedule and share a shit ton of content. Which includes: blog series, collabs, a new first draft, new projects, new products and so much more. I just want to really quickly add here that I will probably have one or two blogs go up between now and the 1st of January. I’m not sure if that changes anything for you.
  • Option 2: Have some blogs go up but they will in no way, shape or form, be consistent. I will attempt to have a blog go up every two weeks or so but I wouldn’t hold my breath. I also can’t say now how long it would take me to build up enough content to switch back to my usual update schedule.

 

#pcos, Guest Blog

PCOS Interview with Jess from The Good In Everyday

Okay guys, I’m going to attempt to keep this introduction short and to the point but we all know how that normally goes. Does taking the time to say it, or write it in this case, work against this goal? I feel like it does? Here I am, unironically delaying the introduction, definitely not keeping it short and I have yet to get to the point. Oops.

I often mention when the subject comes up that PCOS is so widely complex. My PCOS symptoms and experience might look entirely different with a fellow cyster. You get insulin resistant PCOS, you get lean PCOS, you get constant cyst PCOS and the list goes on and on. PCOS truly is a gift that keeps on giving. The other day I found an actual black as night, a bit too long for my comfort, chest hair. Smack bang between my titties. It stood out like a sore thumb. I called my husband to show him, and he called it cute. I plucked it and studied the little hair with a chuckle. Thank you so much PCOS, I really didn’t need something else to feel self-conscious about. The acne and weight gain are more than enough, thank you very much.

PCOS is so incredibly confusing and trying to figure it out is a mind fuck. Where do you even start? Some of the ladies has seen great success on the Keto diet while others noted no change, heck some saw a negative change. What I’m trying to say is what works or helps me isn’t going to work and help another lady with PCOS. What I find so absolutely wonderful about the internet though is that we’re able to connect with others on the same metaphorical boat, read their story and learn a thing or two. We can then walk away feeling less alone and hopefully a tiny bit hopeful that one day we will find a way to combat those terrible symptoms.

I stumbled onto Jess when I was searching for a possible cyster to collab with. I get quite a few newly diagnosed and completely lost PCOS ladies on my website and I wanted you to have another lady to connect with. I know it’s so hard to find someone real. I don’t know about you but I appreciate real, here is the good, the bad and the really ugly type of content. I don’t want to read blogs where you have everything figured out. I want to read blogs where you share the in between part. You know nothing, but you’re on the journey to hopefully find some answers. I want to read your bad days. I want to feel less like an alien and a part of a community that just gets it. A community that understands that you’re not unhinged because you started to sob like the day you were born after the TV remote fell off the couch. Jess talks about her experience with PCOS on her blog The Good In Everyday. It doesn’t end there though. She has opened up her platform by having conversations with multiple women who struggle with a wide range of struggles. The conversation topics range from ADHD, Disability, Mental Health, Suicide, IBS, Transitioning, Body Positivity and so much more. It’s empowering to read these blogs. I hundred percent recommend you give it a glance.

It’s safe to say I fell in love with Jess’s blog and I jumped at the idea to possibly have her on my website. She responded and well, you can guess what happened. So…enough about me. I’m going to hand over the reins to Jess.

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I’m Jess, a twenty-five-year-old writer currently exploring my new home of Sydney with my fiancé, Jack. Originally from England, I left the UK in December 2018 to travel America and Australia. Back home, I used to be a primary school teacher and LOVED it, but to be a writer has always been my biggest ambition so I used my time travelling to pursue my dreams.

My PCOS diagnosis story:

I was officially diagnosed with PCOS in July 2018, but really, I could have been diagnosed a lot sooner. I had always had irregular periods and my body hair has always been dark, thick and excessive. I used to be incredibly self conscious of how hairy I was, going as far as using hair removal cream on my arms to hide it. When I was 16, I had two instances of ovarian cysts, both of which I went to the hospital for. At that point, I feel like more investigation could have been done, but instead I was just told to go on the contraceptive pill. I was on the pill happily until summer 2017. I had never had any side effects from the pill – my skin was clear and I stayed the exact same slim weight. All of a sudden, I began to get horrific headaches. When I went back to the doctor, I was taken off the pill immediately and decided to have a bit of time away from using a contraceptive. When I was off the pill, I noticed how I could ‘feel’ properly. I hadn’t realised at the time because I had been on it for so long, but I was suppressed by the pill, almost as if I was living within a very small emotional range. Realising how much the pill dimmed my emotions and flattened me out as a person made me not want to go back on it at all. However, after having two periods, I then had a stretch of over six months without a period. This worried me enough for me to go back to the doctors, who took my bloods and sent me for an ultrasound. I remember being terrified of the ultrasound because it was an internal one, but I it wasn’t as bad as I had told myself it would be. The woman performing the ultrasound told me there and then that it was a pretty clear diagnosis of PCOS and my bloods later confirmed it.

I was pretty numb at my diagnosis. I always suspected from my problems in my teens that there might be an issue, but I didn’t know much about PCOS other than you can’t have children if you have it (a myth, but one at the time I thought was true). I remember crying and thinking that my future wouldn’t be as I had hoped. I had only been with my now fiancé for a few months at that point in time, so telling him when we left the hospital together scared me. I worried he would want to break up, but he was the opposite and was so incredibly supportive. In a way, finding out such big news so early on cemented that we wanted to be together and made us stronger as a couple.

To be honest, when I was first diagnosed, I didn’t really do much. I spoke to a few people who had PCOS, all of whom had managed to have children, and that was enough to appease me. I was told that the only way to control PCOS was to use the contraceptive pill and so I tried three different ones – one gave me horrific headaches, one made me gain a over stone in a month and the other was the one I was previously on and once again caused headaches. In the end, I said I didn’t want to be on any medication and my doctor agreed, telling me to come back if I ever wanted children.

I left the UK in December 2018 to travel and continued to live as I always had – eating whatever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted. I’d never been told much about PCOS and I found that there wasn’t a huge amount of information out there, although I admit initially I did very little of research. My diagnosis was so ‘you have this and unless you’re on the pill there isn’t much you can do’ that I didn’t understand all of the alternatives and implications of just carrying on as I always had. Whilst in Australia, my periods stopped again so I went back to the doctor. It was at this point thanks to the advice of my GP here and the gynaecologist that I saw that I realised I could help myself and that everything I had been doing was not good for me. I had gained weight, something I put down to stopping my active job as a teacher to pursue a writing career, but the weight wouldn’t go even when I tried to limit my diet or exercise. Having always had clear skin, I now had spots around my chin and mouth, I always felt just a little bit tired and my periods were painful.

How I manage my PCOS now:

I manage my PCOS through the diet and exercise changes I have made. Whilst I still feel like I can improve on this, I know that continuing to make these steps forward is something I want to do. I’m only at the beginning of my ‘managing PCOS journey’, but if I am already seeing and feeling improvements then I know that it is one to continue.

My PCOS diet:

Changing my diet is something I have only started since September, but I have already noticed a HUGE difference in how I look and feel. I have limited gluten because I didn’t want to cut it out completely in case, I developed an intolerance, and I have limited my dairy intake to the point that I have pretty much cut it out. As a vegetarian, my diet was never particularly bad, but I did eat a lot of pizza, pastas and cheese… I also had a sweet tooth! Swapping to things like gluten free pasta and dairy free cheese as well as upping my fruit intake has made a big difference.  My skin is clearer, I feel less bloated and I am not as tired. Part of me wishes I had made these changes sooner because the difference has been so stark.

PCOS changed the way I look at and plan my future:

It has made me worry about having children more. Before, I think I was a little naive to the idea of fertility struggles. Pregnancy seemed to be one of those things that happened if and when people wanted it to. Of course, I knew about miscarriages, IVF and had heard of PCOS, but really, I was just naive to it all. I was 24 when I was diagnosed, so having children wasn’t even on my radar at that point, but PCOS has made me think of them more seriously.

I know that if and when I am ready to ‘try’ for a baby, I would go to a doctor sooner if nothing happened after a few months than if I did not know I had PCOS. Other than children, it’s just made me appreciate what I have – a brilliant, supportive fiancé, wonderful family and friends and a life I am proud of. You never know what is going to happen and nothing in life is definite, so I try to take a step back, worry less and just enjoy it.

How I’m ‘treating’ my PCOS (Supplements/Medication):

I don’t take any supplements or medication but, from following natural remedy PCOS accounts on Instagram, I am looking into taking zinc and other supplements.

One of the things PCOS has really disturbed for me is my sleep. Whereas before I could sleep in, sleep through the night and loved a duvet day, I now wake up throughout the night. This has been really hard for me as I wake up feeling shocking which only adds to the feeling of fatigue. I’ve used some natural remedies that I have found really help – Lush’s Sleepy cream which I rub on my chest and wrists before I sleep, and Wilde Blends Sleepy aromatherapy oil which I put on the sole of my foot and down my spine. I can honestly say that using these has made such a difference to my sleeping pattern and I cannot recommend the products highly enough.

I think whatever works for the person is how they should treat their PCOS. Birth control worked for me whilst I was on it, but I feel that really it just masked my symptoms. I prefer being off medication and working with my body to figure out what it needs and what I should do, but that might not be what works best for someone else.

My PCOS insecurities:

Having always been the same, thin size, the weight gain and struggle to lose it has been hard. I write about body confidence and I have got a lot better with mine over time, but initially seeing someone I didn’t recognise and having clothes that don’t fit was hard. Some people say to me ‘but you’re still thin’, but for me gaining 2 dress sizes in such a short space of time after pretty much 10 years of my life being one way was hard. I still struggle now, but it’s not as bad as it was.

Why it’s important to me to write about PCOS on my blog:

As with everything I write and share online, I try to be honest and reflect my reality. This is just a part of who I am, so on a very basic level it is just my online life mirroring my personal life.

On a deeper level, though, I like to think that by being open about my PCOS experience I might help someone else. When I was first diagnosed, I did little to research and genuinely believed I only needed to think of PCOS when it came to wanting/having children because that was the impression doctors had given me. It was only when I stumbled across pages online that I realised how much PCOS impacts and also how much I could do to help myself. I’d like to think that someone else who has just been diagnosed and who doesn’t fully understand what it means might stumble across my page and that my words might help them. Just reading other people’s experiences and thinking ‘oh yeah, me too’ has made the world of difference to me, so if I can do that for someone else then great!

My advice to my fellow cysters, especially those newly diagnosed:

My main bit of advice would be to read other people’s stories. Whilst no two PCOS journeys are identical, for me it helped me to realise that other people had headaches and I didn’t need to worry about them as much as I was or see that yes, other people had children even with PCOS. I am someone who Googles things and tends to lean to the worst health outcome, so I found that Instagram accounts from PCOS nutritionalists and people with the condition have helped me more than random Google searches that only convince me of the worst.

Two of the accounts I follow on Instagram who have really helped me are @pcos_to_wellness and @pcos.weightloss. Even if you don’t want to lose weight, @pcos.weightloss has great tips about feeling good and working with your body and @pcos_to_wellness is so open and honest about struggles with acne and different conditions that for some people are relate to their PCOS like bruxism and dermatitis.

Some of the PCOS myths I’ve heard:

One of the most damaging things I have heard is that you can’t have children if you have PCOS. Being told this at 24 was awful and I can’t express how much I cried over it, how much guilt I felt at my partner’s future perhaps not being what he imagined. Over time, I have realised how wrong this is. Yes, having children might be difficult. Yes, you might need IVF and yes, it might not happen for you at all – but PCOS does not mean you cannot have children. I follow so many people who are either undergoing IVF or who have made changes to their diet and health routine and have become pregnant naturally. PCOS might make it harder, but it’s not impossible. I find knowing that a comfort and I wish more people knew it too.

I also wish I had been told about insulin resistance. When I was diagnosed, PCOS seemed like a blanket term – you have it and everyone with it is the same – this is not true. PCOS differs from person to person, some people’s bodies are insulin resistant whereas others aren’t. Knowing which type you have will help you manage your diet and exercise. For example, I know that my exercise needs to be regular, low impact exercise like yoga, Pilates and walks. Even though I don’t have insulin resistant PCOS, I don’t do high intensity exercise like running or HIT sessions because I know that’s not what will work for my body and could cause me damage.

My two cents on the argument that PCOS patients are having to basically treat themselves because there is a lack of understanding and research in the medical community about PCOS and other conditions like endometriosis:

I have to say that my experiences have made me agree. My doctors were great at diagnosing me, but then that was it – I was offered a contraceptive pill or nothing. I didn’t know about insulin resistance, I was never given an information leaflet or even a website recommendation, so I walked away clueless but knowing that I didn’t want to be on a contraceptive pill.

Knowing what I know now about PCOS, I realise how wrong this was. There were things I could have done to help and there is damage I could have done to my body by not doing them. I wish I had been told the advice I have been given in the last few months straight away so that I was better informed, from knowing what foods to try, what to cut down on, what exercises to do. Women are teaching each other how to manage things and offering support which is great, but I sometimes worry about the validity of the advice when I am recommended things like supplements as I feel wary about putting things into my body without knowing if I need them.

Being a part of a community that freely shares their health journey, and talk about important topics is empowering:

I really enjoy participating in the discussions and reading advice and tips from other people. I worry – a lot – so reading other people talk about headaches or aches and pains or tiredness really puts me at ease. PCOS has so many symptoms and effects other than the basic things like excessive hair growth and irregular periods which I was never made aware of before, so having that reassurance and being able to reassure others is great.

I also think that it is important for women to talk about these conditions so that the medical profession listens and advances in treatment, understanding and diagnosis can be made. For too long, women have minimised their pain, suffered in silence or put up with partial diagnosis’s, but to see that changing feels really empowering. My hope is that in the future, no one has to have a half-hearted diagnosis or walks away feeling confused and unsure of what they can do to help them self. If I can be a part of helping that day come sooner, then great.

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I hope that my PCOS story helps someone out there feel like their diagnosis is not the end of the world, because it’s not. You might have to change how you look at things or how you do things in life, but it will be okay. PCOS is a part of you, but it’s not all of you.

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Okay, I’m back. Did you miss me? I hope you enjoyed this blog. I truly loved working with Jess. She is super awesome, but you already know that by now. I’m going to round this one off but before I go – You can find Jess on Instagram @thegoodineverydayblog and of course subscribe/follow her blog here on WordPress.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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My Struggles With Infertility

How To Talk About Infertility With Me

Recently someone straight out asked me if they could talk to me about infertility or if them bringing up the topic will ‘trigger’ me. It caught me a little of guard because well what do you say to that? I personally believe there is such a fine balance when it comes to triggers and trigger warnings. For starters, you can’t expect the entire world to be sensitive to your triggers and go out of their way to avoid triggering you. Humans aren’t that nice. Secondly, at one point you have to address the ‘trigger’ and deal with it. What I mean with that is: you can’t hide from the bad thing (the cause of your trigger) forever as this, in the long run, can cause more damage. You need to face the shit storm and somehow make peace with the bad situation. It’s not easy. I’ve been there. Even I’m rolling my eyes at this bullshit. You know exactly what I’m talking about. When bad shit is going down and someone shoots the ‘you need to stay positive’ spiel. You just want to punt them in the face and tell them to shove that stay positive shit where the sun doesn’t shine. I get it. I’ve been there but it’s fucking true? Like, you don’t want to hear it and hearing it does little to make you feel better, but when bad shit is happening, you need to cling onto any warmth you can get. Any goodness, any happiness, and any hope. It’s that drive you need when you have to force yourself to get out of bed and face the world. It really all comes down to staying optimistic that eventually – things will get better. In all honesty, I think the key is to find those special things that make all the bad shit worth it. Anyway, I digress.

I told them that it really depends. How are you going to talk to me about it? A ‘family friend’ (read: I have no idea to explain the relation of this person to me) went about it all wrong. For starters, she behind my back said if I do this and that I will get pregnant immediately. When asked why the hell she wouldn’t just say this to me, her response was that I wouldn’t listen to her advice. The entire ordeal rubbed me up the wrong way. I’m using this exchange as an example because she literally did everything wrong. Let’s start with bullet point number one. Yes, it has that many layers.

  • Do this and that…

Okay, first of all, it’s completely sound to say that if you try this or that and your chances might improve (this family friend is in the health profession) BUT FIRST TAKE THE FUCKING TIME TO ASK ME WHAT THE FUCK I DO AT HOME. Oops, my anger slipped out. What bothered me about her listing a bunch of lifestyle changes I could do to improve my chances was that she didn’t ask or bother to take the time to actually ask me what I do at home. She just assumed that 1) I’m not conscious about my lifestyle choices and 2) I’m doing everything wrong. When she brought this up (behind my back), she hasn’t nearly spent enough time with me to gage my lifestyle habits and quite frankly – me fresh from a 28-hour trip and sick to my stomach isn’t a good gage of my eating habits.

  • … and you will get pregnant immediately.

My problem with these types of statements is the false hope they can install. Oh, if you do this you will get pregnant like tomorrow. When you’re struggling with infertility and you’re so desperate to get pregnant, you will try and believe everything. You bet your sweet ass I will drink that fucking African tea under the moonlight and somehow believe that I will magically conceive even though I haven’t fucking ovulated in months. And then, my period starts and my heart shatters because I was stupid enough to cling onto this false hope. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s important to carry around hope. I believe with everything inside of me that my time will come (I have too or I won’t ever be okay) but I need to protect myself a little. I can’t go through that same soul-crushing heartbreak every time my period starts and ignore that logical part of my brain (How the fuck can you get pregnant if you don’t ovulate?) that desperately tries to protect me even if by only a little. It still hurts but if you manage to convince yourself that this month will be different, seeing those stained panties can just twist that knife a little deeper.

  • I won’t listen to her.

That’s not true. I’m quite open to those who have struggled with infertility or have come into contact with those who have, to share their tips and advice. BUT YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME FIRST. You need to hear me out and who knows, maybe I’m already doing everything your friend did. It might’ve helped her but it clearly didn’t work for me so please save me that pain? It really all just comes down to this: DON’T DISMISS MY PAIN AND STRUGGLES. DON’T DISMISS MY EFFORTS. Hear me out, listen to my story and if there is still something you want to add, please feel free to do so. Let’s give you another prime example. A good one this time. My cousin who also struggled with infertility brought up the test that changed the game for them AFTER she asked me what I’ve done. She asked me if I’ve done Clomid, IUI, and IVF before she even brought up this test her doctor ran that was ultimately the driving force that made her conceive her beautiful baby girl three months later. That’s how you give your two cents. Hear me out and if you hear I haven’t tried this, bring it up and mention why you believe in it.

So yes, you can talk to me about infertility but please choose your words wisely. Don’t tell me to just relax. Or it will happen in God’s time. Or my personal favorite: Maybe it’s not your purpose to have biological children and it’s your purpose in life to adopt (this is an actual real response I got when I told someone about my struggles with infertility). I know I’m basically saying to be sensitive to my feelings but I mean a decent human will be? Especially if they know me well enough to know that infertility is my trigger.

“BUT WAIT, didn’t you just say like one minute ago that you can’t expect the world to be sensitive to your triggers and you need to face the source of your trigger head on? Like, uhmm hello? It’s right there in the introduction? You’re saying the exact opposite a 1000 words later? I’m so confused.”

  • I’m not expecting the world to walk around me on tippytoes and cover my eyes every time someone speaks of infertility. I’m just quite frankly expecting people who care about me (and knows that my infertility is a sensitive subject) to be conscious of their words and the impact they might have. THAT’S IT. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for. I know that x subject is sensitive to my friend, so I choose my words carefully if the subject is brought up. In my eyes, that’s the decent thing to do. I care about my friend. I know this subject is sensitive to her, so I’m going to try my best not to rub salt in the wound. Saying that, maybe the person in my bad example didn’t know any of this. She had no idea the impact of her words and what effect it could have on those struggling with infertility. That’s quite honestly okay too. I can’t expect you to know everything, but that’s why I’m writing this blog. Hopefully, this can be a source of education so that next time this person happens to talk to someone struggling with infertility, they would be a little more careful with their words.
  • In my eyes, I see the fact that I’m actively talking about infertility and sharing my true feelings on the matter as ‘facing the source of my trigger head on’. Yes, at the moment, I’m not entirely allowing myself to give it too much thought, but I’m taking small steps everyday. Acknowledging that I have a long way to go, is a baby step.

My advice to anyone who knows someone who is struggling with infertility is quite simple. Just hear us out. Sometimes just having someone listen is all we need. You might not have profound advice (which is completely okay), but let us rant and cry. Don’t tell us everything will get better and our day will come. Instead just say this: “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m always here for you if you need to cry and vent. I love you.” Someone has said this to me before and I promise you, it actually made an impact.

My infertility is a sensitive subject for me. That’s no fucking secret. It is a source behind some of my worst soul-crushing heartbreak I’ve ever experienced. I wish I could say it’s getting better but, in all honesty, I haven’t really allowed myself to think about it too much. Onno and I have been on a break (it was needed for our sanity) for a while now… I’m scared to start trying again. I know what type of pain is waiting for me once I allow myself to think about it or once I actively try for a baby again. I’m not ready yet, but I’m hoping I will get there. Some days I feel mentally strong enough to handle infertility treatment again but most days, the thought of that crushing heartbreak month in and month out again, makes me want to crawl into a little ball and suck my thumb like a child. I just need time to process everything and heal. And that’s okay too. I will get there.

That’s everything I wanted to say. It’s incredibly difficult to talk about these types of sensitive subjects. I never really know what to say when it comes to ‘triggers’ and ‘trigger warnings’. Sigh. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this blog. Keep an eye out for Friday’s blog. It’s an interview/collab with a special someone. I can’t wait.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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Body & Soul, Mental Health

Addressing One Of My Biggest Flaws

There is three months left of this year and I want to make the most of it. I think I speak for everyone when I say 2019 has royally sucked on the most part. This probably would be a great moment to list some of the shitty stuff that has happened this year but honestly, I’m in an okay mood so why spoil it? Quite frankly, if I somehow get through this year without falling apart, I would consider it an achievement and pat myself on the back. But this isn’t the point of this blog. Yes, this blog actually has a point. Instead of focusing on all the shitty moments that made 2019 absolutely terrible and reflecting on that long ass list I made of stuff that I wanted to achieve that I know is quite frankly impossible…I want to take this moment to plan these next three months. Holy shit, that’s a really bad sentence. I apologize. I promise I’m an author? Buy my eBook? Anyway, in classic Cassy fashion, I digress. I plan to completely ignore all my failed plans and goals up to this point and instead make a realistic list of shit I want to do these next three months. Some of this shit I want to keep under the wraps because why tell you exactly what blogs to expect and then shoot myself in the foot when I no longer feel like writing about it? Also, take a shot every time I say shit.

Disclaimer: Cassandra is in no way, shape or form condoning the misuse of alcohol. It’s a joke. Also, I trust your responsible enough not to drown your liver on my say so. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Let’s talk about my personal goals for these next three months.

  • I want to complete one fitness program. This could either be a yoga-based routine or a strengthening workout routine similar to BBG (Bikini Body Guide by Kayla Itsines).
  • I want to complete two challenges and as I will most likely share this on my blog, I won’t go into too much detail. One of the challenges is everyday for a week while the other is for two weeks.
  • I want to complete another one-month food experiment (the first experiment being the fasting once a week). I will have to think quite a bit and decide which of my possible experiments would be the best fit. I really don’t want to overwhelm myself.
  • I want to complete all three remaining Immigrations tests that I have been postponing literally this entire year.
  • I want to start with a new first draft story and finally start work on my next eBook. It’s ‘Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails’ just in case you were wondering. I’ve been dying to take the feedback I’ve received and give this story my all. The transformation a story goes through after that initial first draft into the final copy is so exciting.

It might seem like a lot but honestly – it’s just five things and if I’m smart about it, it won’t be too much to handle. I can still have those barely leave the bed days. I can’t go into too much detail about my plans for the blog but I can say that my personal goal is to return back to my normal update schedule where there is a blog every Monday and a new blog every second Friday. So far with the entire month of October planned out, it’s quite doable. Speaking of blogs, I hinted in my awkward return that there will be collab with other bloggers and the return of my Sims 4 remaking meals series. This is all true. I’m going to attempt to collab once a month but seriously don’t hold your breath. Finding a blogger I connect with isn’t as easy as I thought it would be but saying that, trust that the people who I do decide to collab with is people whose content I truly enjoy. Fuck, I can’t write blogs anymore. The Sims 4 blog series and the review blog series that I never quite finished will start again but this time it will be a little more spaced out. Just for the next few months until I can get a moment to work ahead. Once I’ve gotten ahead, we can return to the normal every three weeks. For now, the two will trade. We will start with a new Sims 4 meal (hamburger cake) and then three weeks later we will have a review. Three weeks after that we will have another Sims 4 meal and finally just before the year end, we will have one more review. I know it isn’t ideal but your girl has a lot of things she is working on and well I’m only one person and quite frankly, I need to rest. I personally think the key to success and fulfilling your goals is to pick and choose a small handful, put all of your focus towards them and once you’ve completed those few, you can choose the next few and focus on that. Fuck, my writing is bad. You will have to excuse me, I’m out of practice. What I’m trying to say is instead of focusing on my 101 ideas I have for my website which includes projects and one-month challenges, I’m going to choose just five. I will then give myself an x amount of time (in this case I gave myself three months) to complete those 5 tasks. I guess I could discuss these five tasks?

  • Return to my normal update schedule.
  • Restart both of my blog series.
  • Collab with another blogger(s).
  • Launch one of my projects.
  • Write. This one has three subcategories. I want to work on a new first draft (the one I will share on here every second Sunday). I want to start work on my next eBook and finally I want to write one of the five extra chapters for my eBook that launched in June. Yes, you’re experiencing déjà vu. I so desperately want to get back to writing, it’s on both of my lists.

Looking at this blog, I feel a mixture of emotions. I’m 60% excited, I’m 30% overwhelmed and I’m 10% stressed. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad stress but it’s more like I don’t want to disappoint myself? I don’t want to quit on myself. I want to complete my goals and end this shitty year on a happy note? But at the same time, I know that life can really derail plans and I’m scared? If I’m not making any sense to you, well join the club. I genuinely confuse myself 90% of the time. I barely understand what’s going through my head but writing always helps so uhmm hello? Sorry for this mess? On a good note, it feels good to address one of my biggest flaws and attempt to combat it a little. In case you haven’t noticed, I get overwhelmed incredibly easily. My problem is that I want to complete 101 tasks all in one go which is quite frankly impossible. Trust me, I’ve tried. And when I can’t, I derail. Baby steps, hey?

I’m going to wrap this one up, mainly because it’s pure chaos at this point and my husband should be home any moment now. I just want to take this moment to thank you all for sticking around while I was offline. It feels good to be back and I can’t wait to connect with you all again.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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