Making A House A Home (DIY and more)

How I Got My Fairy Light Wall In Two Easy Steps

I don’t know about you but Christmas makes me feel all warm and fluffy inside and the main cause of this is fairy lights. It’s just something of the twinkling lights at night that makes me feel incredibly happy. I knew that I wanted fairy lights inside my house all year around. The month of December isn’t nearly enough. Honestly I can have fairy lights in every single room. I really have to stop myself but to be able to fully enjoy the fairy lights there can’t be too much of it. Anyway the point is I wanted a fairy light wall and I liked the idea of having it behind my bed. It just makes the bedroom feel all romantic and our wall was a bit wonky and needed it. It was uneven and an eyesore so well fairy lights was just the perfect touch. Also fair warning this blog is really short. There isn’t much I can say to make the blog longer. It’s just that easy.

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It’s ridiculously simple to make the fairy light wall. You need fairy lights, screws and a see through curtain. That’s it folks. I told you it’s really simple. The set up is just as simple.

Step One

Screw in your screws into the wall. You want a little edge to poke out so you can hang the fairy lights wire over it. You put it in a zigzag pattern and depending on the length of your fairy lights and how wide your wall in and the coverage you want, will influence the space between the screws. Oh wow that was a messy sentence. I honestly can’t remember the length of the fairy lights we got, I honestly bought the longest one I could find. We spaced the screws by 30-40cm.

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Step Two (even though step one and two can switch quite easily.)

Are you ready for the shortest step ever? Hang up your curtains. That is it.

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A fairy light wall is incredibly easy and quick to do and I love ours so much. We put it on every single night for about a hour and I can’t imagine our bedroom without it now.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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Story Time

This Blog Isn’t Even A Blog | Not That Important But Funny Though (I Hope)

Here we are once again. The day before a new blog goes up and I’m brainstorming about possible things to well turn into a blog. I have so many ideas but they all need more time to put into an actual good blog. Some things I just can’t throw together the night before you know. I hate this feeling so I’m really going to make it my goal to take time to write more blogs this upcoming week. I don’t have a choice. It needs to be done.

You know what’s unfair? You all already know what this blog turned out to be as well the title is a dead giveaway but here I am still racking my brain for ideas at 5pm.

So as always I turn for my husband for advice. While he basically ignores me and watch formula 1, I start to sing this song that has been stuck inside my head for WEEKS. I sing it every day and I only know like two lines. It’s ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’ by Elvis Presley. The only part I know is “wise men say only fools rush in” and “I can’t help falling in love with you.” That is it. And yes in case you were wondering I did indeed start to play this song after my husband threw this curve ball at me. You won’t believe what he said. I can see the title now…

My Husband Thinks I Can’t Sing

So yesterday evening I got the shock of my life when my husband said I can write a blog about my ruined singing career. Which we both laughed at considering my singing voice is a screeching mess so out of tune, tone deaf isn’t even scratching the service. Shortest blog in the history of my website ever. Let’s see what else I can think of.

I’ve been stalling to decide what this blog is going to be about for 300 words and I still have no idea. Honestly this entire weekend I’ve been working on the renovations and playing Sims 4. That’s it folks. Nothing super exciting happened minus the fact that we bought our first car on Friday. A car I can’t drive even though I have a drivers license…to make a long boring story well rant short my South African drivers license is worthless here in the Netherlands and I have to redo the entire process. Something that I’m so incredibly excited for (not).

Other than that I’ve been reading a lot, painting a lot, eating a lot and playing a lot of Sims. Boy that was such a boring sentence with a lot of well a lots. My writing is such a mess. Excuse me while I play Sims for four hours while I watch Supernatural. Oh yeah that’s also something I did this weekend. I restarted Supernatural! It was a show I was incredibly obsessed with when I was in high school and I haven’t watched any episodes passed season 8. I forgot how good the first season was. Seriously amazing. I can’t believe I found it kind of scary back then. Once you see someone eat his own nose and feed it to dogs (thank you, Hannibal) a few scenes of some creature won’t even make you blink. Onno and I also found the walking dead scary as hell when we started watching it. Now I’m like oh wow that’s some great special effects and hoping no one touches my precious characters. Don’t kill my precious biker with a big soft heart. I just want to put them into a little bubble and protect them from the man eating zombies. What would you do in a zombie apocalypse? It took Onno and I five minutes to spell apocalypse correctly. I wish I was kidding. Anyway I’m actually one of those people that would just off myself and my family. I’m like I would rather die by my own hand then be eaten alive you know. Also here in the Netherlands you’re kind of screwed. I mean there is no guns here(which is actually a really good thing for everyday life. Other countries should catch on. *Glances at a certain country with a certain president*). So what are you going to fight all the zombies with, a kitchen  knife? Or you going to escape a swarm of them by bicycle? Plus the country is so small and with so many people, the virus would spread faster than a fart in a small room.

I’m loving all my metaphors recently. I’m seriously stepping up with this whole I promise I’m funny thing here on my blog. I completely went of topic but all this talk about zombies finally gave me idea for this blog. Perfect timing and all as I’m nearly 800 words in and probably lost like all my readers. I also really want to go play Sims now.

If you could be any animal in this world. What animal would you be?  The past and present. And why?

I seriously didn’t think this would be so difficult to answer. I mean that’s a lot of animals. I know it won’t be anything in the ocean as well sharks and I just can’t touch that ball of anxiety that would follow from being in the ocean. I could be the biggest and scariest whale out there and I would still swim away when a shark comes close. The fear runs that deep.

I would like to be an animal that can just sleep all day in the nice warm sun and have food brought to them. The life of a king. The only animal I can think of is the male lion so I guess let’s go with that. It fits with my life motto, in my next life I want to be a cat. I want to sleep all day and have food served to me like I’m a master. Basically I would want to be my cat. The worst thing he experiences is maybe one of two too many kisses from his mother (he likes it, I mean he always comes back for a cuddle) and a bath every few months. That’s it. Sign me up! Also when I told my husband this he said: “How is that much different from real life?” Someone is feeling sassy today.

My husband’s response to the question was so brilliant I decided to write out exactly what was said.

The husband: “Maybe uhmmm I haven’t really thought about it.”

The wife: “Well think about it now. I have a blog to write.”

The husband: “A bird but a big bird.”

The wife: “What bird?”

The husband: “A eagle.”

The wife: “Why an eagle.”

The husband: “Because I get to fly and look down on people.”

The wife: “You also get to shit on them.”

Couple goals? What animal would you be? And why?

I think I’m just going to cut myself off right here because clearly this blog isn’t going anywhere. This blog isn’t even a blog. Oh wait I finally have my title. I’m sorry for those who came here for actual meaningful content. Like my previous blog showed, emotional and mentally it’s a bit rough right now. I’m not all happy sunshine and rainbows so well I don’t really feel like writing much. I’m sure you all will understand.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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Story Time

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay | Life Update

I’m sometimes the worst blogger ever. I have six complete blogs ready to go or nothing at all. There is no in between. Well today there is. I have some blogs finished but none of them are right to go up now. I have no idea if that makes sense, heck it barely makes sense to me. But most of the times I end up writing the blog the day before or like today, the same day hours before I goes online. It’s something I really want to work on. I must admit balancing my regular blogs, well not even completely regular as I now have a extra blog go up every Wednesday about the renovations, with working around the house has been so difficult. For starters I can’t get ahead at all and that frustrates me.

To be completely honest with you I have no idea what this blog is going to end up becoming. I’m just writing that is coming to mind and just seeing how things go. I just kind of want to talk to you all. Take a step back and just talk.

I’m not okay.

The thing is these last few months, heck this entire year has been just one roller coaster ride of overwhelming emotions. I don’t even know where to start or how to put everything in words.

In the beginning of the year we heard that my dearest grandmother is losing her battle with cancer. She has beat it twice already but this time around there is nothing they can do for her. It hit me hard. I realized that I won’t be able to see her again. I realized that I already saw her for the last time ever and even though she is still going, I’ve already hugged her for the last time. I don’t really know how to deal with death. I’ve never really lost someone through passing. When my childhood cat died my heart broke into tiny little pieces and I still get so emotional thinking about it…but this is my granny we’re talking about. I have so many wonderful memories I will forever cherish with her and I’m so grateful that she was in my life because she made everything shine so much brighter. Boy I’m getting emotional here. I’m just constantly crying if I’m straight with you. I’m overwhelmed. I really am. I’m not okay.

Around the exact same time we heard the news about my granny, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I don’t even know where to start with this one. I’ve talked about it before but I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Heck when I play Sims, I’m all about raising perfectly happy kids. Even thought every women with PCOS is different, some conceive without trying, some conceive immediately after starting hormone treatment, some lose baby after baby, some try for years without ever getting their little miracle baby. It’s a difficult thing to wrap your head around. Yes I don’t know where I am on the spectrum but it still scares me. It will probably always scare me.

And then we entered the renovations which was such a whirlwind. Honestly how can I even put this in words? Wow as a writer I’m really struggling to find words today. I never really try to explain or word my feelings so I’m a bit lost here. Throughout the incredibly draining renovations I was undergoing so many dentist procedures, big ones too. They pulled two teeth and I was in so much pain unable to eat normally for what feels like forever. It’s just been an unending amount of pain and torture in the dentist chair.

Oh did I mention I was hit by a car? Yes that actually happened and it sure as hell didn’t help with things. I’m so close to breaking point that I can cry if some stranger just raises their voice to me. My hormones being all over the show isn’t helping anything either, thanks PCOS. But yeah let me tell you about the little car accident that makes my heart go crazy every time I’m on a bicycle and close to where it happened.

So after a long and tiring day at the house, I wanted to head back to Rotterdam in the afternoon. Normally Onno would come pick me up, do a hour or so of work, before we head home after he finished work. On Thursdays Onno always works later and I really didn’t have it in me to work on the house for another six hours. I just wanted to go home and cuddle with Speculoos. At this point I’ve only bicycled to the station once with the GPS on so I thought I knew the way. I didn’t. So I notice that I have no idea where the station is and my train leaves in 15 minutes. The trains are every 30 minutes here so you really don’t want to miss your train. Anyway I stop and pull into a parking lot so I can open maps and see where I’m supposed to go. As I pull in I notice someone is in their car, their door is open, so I thought to myself let’s really get out of his way. This guy is old and probably won’t look. So I’m further away and I open my phone and start to figure out where the hell I am and where the hell I’m supposed to go to get to the train station and the next minute a bump lurches me forward. By some miracle I don’t fall over and keep myself upright and very slowly I turn around to see what just happened. The second I saw this car basically touching my leg, my entire heart dropped. It took my brain awhile to figure out that a car just hit me. The man paused, we made eye contact, and drove off.

At that moment so many things went through my head. I could’ve died. I’m not hurt. I’m okay. I could’ve died. I’m not even being over dramatic. If he reversed out of his parking with a speed and I fell over there is nothing stopping him from running me over. I mean the old fart is blind enough no to see my big ass meters, I really mean there was a space for two cars behind him to get out of his parking space NO PROBLEM, then he sure as hell wouldn’t have seen me under his wheel. That’s what got to me. My life could’ve ended at that moment. I have so much more I want to do in life. After calling Onno in absolute tears and shaking like a leaf while my heart desperately tried to escape my chest, I got so angry. Incredibly angry. It took me awhile to get myself together but I very slowly bicycled to the station and cried the entire train ride back to the city. I got away with a bump in my bicycle, great reminder by the way, and a few scratches on my leg. I needed a few days to pick myself together again and clung to Onno like a fly to poo.

The first time we went back to the place it happened my heart started to race and I was shaking like crazy when I rode a bicycle the first time after the accident. When I retell the story I mostly just get angry and emotional. I mean the timing of it. At that point I was exhausted, in so much physical pain, so emotional I could cry at every second and just over all scared. And then this old fart scares the life out of me. Oh just had to pause for a second and take a deep breath. Not even a week after that Onno had a little scare with a truck so that sure as hell didn’t help things. 2018 has been ROUGH.

The thing is I’m not okay right now. I have my days where the only thing I want to do is crawl into bed and never leave but I’m getting there. Some days are better than others and that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. At first I felt so guilty for feeling so well…depressed when I’m happily married, we just bought our first house together and my husband is my rock. I’m incredibly grateful for my husband and so happy about our new home but I’m not always okay. I repeat; it’s okay not to be okay. I will get there. I know I will.

So yeah, that what’s been going on. This blog was kind of all over the show but it feels good to have it out there. I kind of started to put up a front that I was doing just awesome with the PCOS and handling everything like a champ but I’m not. I don’t want to hide behind a screen and smile when I want to cry. I’m over that stage of my life. I’m sad. I’m happy. I’m exhausted. I’m excited. I’m okay and then I’m not okay. I’m laughing. I’m crying. I’m all over the show and that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay.

Sorry for this gloomy update. It’s all I had in me to share today. We can’t always share the highs in life yah know.

Thank you for reading and I will see you in a click!

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Making A House A Home (DIY and more)

How To Get A Three Color Ombré Wall In 5 Steps

How exciting! This is my first blog about the renovations! I honestly couldn’t wait to share with you all about the entire experience. I learned so much about well renovation related things and about myself. It was a truly wonderful experience. It was so much hard work but I loved it. The rewards made every second of blood, sweat and tears worth it.

We had a problem choosing a color for our special accent wall in our living and kitchen area. We wanted to connect the two spaces but not limit ourselves with a color scheme. We couldn’t choose between red, green and blue. So I was like hey why don’t we find a way to paint the one wall all three colors in a way that won’t overpower the area and still look nice. So I turned to Google to get inspiration and this is the image I found.

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https://in.pinterest.com/pin/344806915202211342/

Alright so before I tell you how I achieved my own version of ombré wall here is the end result. I’m not going to lie, I feel all type of things about sharing this. I’m like just before this I shared this flawless piece of work and mine is well so homemade compared to it…NO. Mine is beautiful. Screw these insecurities. I LOVE IT!

Gasp. Holy shit. Beautiful. Applause. You all are just too kind. Thank you. But continue with the compliments. This puppy took me DAYS. Also PS We still haven’t made the last finishing touches on the little white wood thing on the bottom. Sorry I have no idea what it’s called.

Step One

Choose your colors. There is endless options but I would recommend you whip out a helpful color match website. Or just use the color wheel. Not every color would look good together or in a ombré format so I wouldn’t go crazy. A black and yellow ombré wall will be incredibly hard to work and I’m not even confident the end result would look so great. If you’re not sure if the colors would work together I recommend you make a quick stop at the local craft store (NL: Action has the perfect set) and get a set of paint with the primary and secondary colors (red, blue, yellow, purple, green, orange, white and etc.). You can then play around with those colors on a canvas and get a clear picture how the colors look together in a ombré format.

Step Two

Buy your paint. You might be wondering why this is separate step from the whole choosing your colors step but you get so many different shades of one color that this can be quite tricky and overwhelming. Go to your closet hardware store and get those paint strip templates. It’s those with about five colors of in the shade family. Get three to four of different shades of the color you want and then take your time choosing the two or three strips, depending on how many colors you want, by putting them next to each other, in the area and just overall experience what strips works the best together. Now depending on how large and high your wall is and if you want to go from dark to light with each color, will depend on how many cans of paint you end of buying.

I ended up buying four different shades of each color shade so twelve 1 liter cans in total. We did buy it when there was a 40% sale on paint and ended up saving 300 Euros. Let me quickly see if I can get the names of all my shades…Okay so I checked. I don’t have the names of all the colors anymore but I can definitely look into it more if any of you REALLY want it. We used the brand Histor for almost all of our paint throughout the house from our wall paint to our wood primer, wood paint and etc. I’m more than happy with their quality.

Step Three

Now it’s time to paint! Or well kind of. It’s time to prepare to paint and what I mean by that is you need to measure out your wall and divide the wall into different parts so you know what color to paint where. I have no idea if that makes sense but luckily I have a picture to help. Also this will be the perfect time to play around with the order of the colors.

Step Four

Okay for real now. We’re painting. This is such a fun part. Alright guys you basically just have to lay down the colors by just painting lines. I would recommend two layers as you really don’t want any white to poke through.

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Step Five

Blending! To have the color blend together into an ombré you’re going to have to well blend. And blend. And blend. And blend some more. It’s a lot of blending. This step is definitely the most time consuming. So how I went about it is by going through it line by line, piece by piece. What I mean with that is, I started at the bottom with the darkest shade of red and then second darkest shade of red, that line in between. Is this making sense? So I used a very airy sponge, think SpongeBob, the more holes the sponge it has the better. I would basically use both sponges, do a little bit in my hands reach in the one shade and then go over the other shade. I would repeat this process like three hundred times till I felt it was blended and moving into the other shade. And then one the little piece is finished I would scoot on over and then do the next piece…and then I will repeat the process for each shade and their lines. It took me forever.

I would also wait for the paint to dry and see if there is a part that needs more blending and go over it again. Also I do recommend if the colors are completely different, pink and blue or green or blue, so basically it’s not a color in the same shade, to wait for the paint to dry before you go over it with the other color. I found that the two shades blended too much while wet and almost created a new color and well you really don’t want a purple in between your paint. The blue and the green wasn’t a big problem but hey I thought I should throw it out there.

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And that’s how I achieved my ombré wall. It really took a lot of time and patience. It was a lot of hard work but boy do I love it so much. I’m really proud of my ombré wall and although if I had to redo it I would choose less shades of the colors but otherwise it looks amazing! I’m so excited to share this part of the renovations and for those who didn’t see my little message on my notice board here on my website, I will be sharing blogs about renovations every Wednesday till I run out of content. Also if some of this didn’t make sense let me know and I will try to explain myself more.

Here is some more pictures of the wall throughout the process.

And also here is Speculoos, he loves the completed wall! Okay I lie. He doesn’t care but it looks so nice! Also when these pictures were taken of Speculoos we weren’t even close to finishing unpacking so excuse the mess and also I still haven’t really caught up with all the laundry. I’m close but boy it’s been a lot. With the renovations it was really difficult to stay on top of the little extra things like blankets that I put on the couch and etc.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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Amateur Poems

Writing A Poem In 15 Minutes | Amateur Hour | A Poem About Flowers

So it’s Sunday night and I’ve written two blogs today and none of them I can post tomorrow. One is bad karma to talk about so soon and the other is well I need to finish the thing before I can tell you about it (it’s something around the house) so I figured why not write an amateur poem? It was so much fun last time and you guys liked it right? I’m pausing for the “yeah definitely we loved in nods”…

Alright so in case you didn’t see the last amateur poem here on my blog/website, let me just tell you how it works. Wait let me go copy and paste. I’m not even kidding this next part is straight from the first amateur poem blog that I wrote about food. I should probably browse through it and make sure it makes sense and all that jazz.

I can’t really explain where I got this idea because it just came to me in the shower. I was brainstorming possible blog ideas and this one just popped out of nowhere. So I suck at writing poems. I don’t know how to get it to rhyme or if whatever I’m writing is still considered a poem. It’s just not my level of expertise if you will. I also don’t read poems so it’s not like it’s going to get much better. But and there is a but coming here…I have so much fun when I try to write a poem. So I figured let’s write a poem for my blog and then I was like well I need to do something to have a excuse when it turns out absolutely horrible. How can I do that? Write a poem blindfolded? That’s not going to work. So what’s the best thing I can do? Add a time and topic constraint. Perfect! So here goes.

I have a 15 minute time constraint to write a poem. I have four set topics I want to write a poem about but today I’m going to write about flowers because we’ve been working in our garden all weekend and will continue doing so for the next months so maybe now would be the best time to write about flowers? Alright just to explain a little how it’s going to work. When I’m ready to start I will screenshot my computer screen where you can clearly see the time in the corner. And when the time runs out I will screenshot my screen again and there you go. I will have proof that it actually took me fifteen minutes. Otherwise I think I’m probably going to play around with words and whatnot so I will allow that. If it gets messy I’m allowed to rewrite the entire poem at the end to make sense of everything. You will see. Now let’s begin!

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Honestly waiting for the minutes to go over to 29 took forever and kind of threw me off edge but let’s think flower. Flowers. Green leaves with colors. Plants. Plantation. The circle of life. Wait I like where that’s going. Alright let’s see how this goes.

Gentle flowers shift in the wind

A buzz fill the air

A rustle of leaves meet your ear

A bee swoops down for a taste

A bug pushes through the grass

A flower shifts as the wind howls

A pedal falls to the ground

A. A. A. Uhmm. A something and something does something. I’m stuck. Is it even a poem when everything starts with A…also I’m confident this isn’t even rhyming. Wait how much time do I have left? What’s fifteen minutes after 29? Wait let me ask the husband. I can’t do the math. He is confused. Chaos. Panic. Okay take a minute to explain this. 44. No wait 14 past half eight. What the hell? What time is that? I asked him. It’s 7:44. That means I have ten minutes to write a poem about flowers. Oh lord. I know nothing about flowers.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Wait that’s not original. Panic. What flower do I even know? Roses. I can’t really write about them. SUNFLOWERS! Alright Cassandra stop throwing words at your screen and just try to write a goddamn poem. Remember you thought this was fun. I have nine minutes left.

Sunflowers are yellow.

That’s horrible. Panic. Chaos. Internal scream. Can I take a break to drink my tea? No I don’t have time for that. Why can’t I just write about Speculoos?

The sun peeks over the mountain top

The wind rustles the leaves

The birds spread their wings

The bugs runs down the tree

The bee follow a bright yellow

The flower spreads it pedals

The early hours of the morning greets the world

Oh this is so bad. Wait don’t fall of track now. You have five minutes left and barely anything to show for your time.

The sun kisses it’s favorite flower

A good morning kiss if you would will

True love.

Oh wait I have a idea. And five minutes to write about it.

The sun peeks over the mountain tops

The flower spreads it pedals

Their eyes meet

The flower blushes and hides behind it’s leaves

The sun chuckles and rise to see more

Their eyes meet

The sun heats up in joy

The flower embraces the warmth and heat

Their eyes meet

The flowers peeks through it leaves

The sun smiles and shines brightly

Their eyes meet

The flowers spreads out it’s pedals

The sun happily greets them

Their eyes meet

The flower shifts in the cold wind

The sun sends a kiss of sunshine

Their eyes meet

The flowers blossoms and shines

The sun smiles and shine

Their eyes meet

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Oh damn my time is finished. I kind of liked where that was going. It was looking like it was just going nowhere for a minute there but I like it. Let me quickly get it all together down below and read it to Onno and get his response.

The sun peeks over the mountain tops

The flower spreads it pedals

Their eyes meet

The flower blushes and hides behind it’s leaves

The sun chuckles and rise to see more

Their eyes meet

The sun heats up in joy

The flower embraces the warmth and heat

Their eyes meet

The flowers peeks through it leaves

The sun smiles and shines brightly

Their eyes meet

The flowers spreads out it’s pedals

The sun happily greets them

Their eyes meet

The flower shifts in the cold wind

The sun sends a kiss of sunshine

Their eyes meet

The flowers blossoms and shines

The sun smiles and shine

Their eyes meet

Onno’s thoughts and rating: Onno’s first response; “They both shine? I like it. It’s very poetic.” Also he thought way to long about my rating. 7 and a half but after five minutes and glare it’s now a 8+/10.

My rating: 7/10. To be honest I really liked where it was going and also it’s a miracle I managed to write about something related to flowers. I really know nothing about flowers and it clearly shows.

Speculoos’s rating: 1/10 because it’s still not about me.

I hope you enjoyed my little poem. I really love writing them. If you have any ideas of what I should challenge myself to write a poem about next, let me know in the comments down below.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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#pcos, Mental Health, Self Love

How Kicking Coffee Out Of My Diet Improved My Acne | PCOS

I struggled with acne a lot when I hit puberty. It was truly horrible. Wait let me see if I can find a picture. I had this particular picture in mind and finding it meant deep diving on my old external hard drive. It was bad. Really bad. I’ve seen things.

Here is a picture of my mom and I when I was about twelve or thirteen. As you can see my entire face is covered with acne. I felt so self conscious about it, we went to the doctor and I was placed on the pill which I stayed on all the way till I turned nineteen. It helped with my acne a lot. I was in no way perfectly clean skin but outside an occasional acne pop up here and there my worries was behind me. Of course I scratched at my acne like crazy and now have scars on my chin that really comes out when I’m getting hot. They’re a nightmare in the summer. Is this even making sense? Anyway my point is I’ve had my fair share of acne problems that didn’t go away even when I was on the pill. Wait before I continue here is the picture.

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When I came abroad as au pair I had to go onto a new pill and  my body just didn’t respond well to the pill at all. My periods were all over the show and really bad. My acne was flaring up like crazy and after about three months I decided to stop taking the pill all together. At this point my logic was well like I’m single and my hormones should be all together now that I’m older so let’s see how it goes without the pill. The acne was a bit better without the new pill and my periods took two months to return to normal but otherwise it felt like the best choice. I was regularly washing my face and never slept with my make up on (I only started to wear make up around this time anyway). The acne wasn’t as bad. I could handle it. Anyway I met my now husband and went back onto the pill for two months before I just couldn’t take it anymore. My body responded horribly to this pill (why I didn’t go to the doctor and asked for a different kind is beyond me). There is a point to this. You need to know my back story with acne. Also I’m too far in to go back now. To get to the point though, I always had acne on my face but once I went off the pill I had a little more here and there. It was controllable and I didn’t mind it too much. Flash forward to a few months and suddenly my acne was just ten times worse. I was basically two pimples away from my thirteen year old self but throw in back acne in the mix. I was still in South Africa at the time without a medical aid so I figured I can wait till I’m in the Netherlands.

Once I got here and returned to my healthier lifestyle, some of the acne approved but not all of it. When I started to gain weight like crazy out of the blue, my acne flared up again. This time it was horrible. I felt so self conscious and dirty about it and I tried everything. I started using face masks once a week (which made a difference) and a face scrub and cleanser everyday but the back acne, boy that girl was here to stay. No amount of greens and products changed that.

After I was diagnosed with PCOS, I did a lot of research. Some of my research showed that coffee (or well caffeine in general) is horrible for our hormones and can make our acne worse. At this point I was desperate to feel more like myself and just feel attractive again in any shape or form I can, so I kicked all coffee out of my diet. I immediately saw a response. My back acne completely disappeared and my face cleared up. Now I do have to add that around a month after I stopped drinking coffee, I started drinking supplements for my PCOS which also cleared up the last bit of lingering pimples. I now only get pimples when I’m on my period or when I eat too much junk food.

For those who would be interested in why coffee is so bad for those with PCOS here is a section from the main PCOS book I follow, Natural Solutions to PCOS by Marilyn Glenville (—https://www.marilynglenville.com/books/natural-solutions-to-pcos-book/ — ).

*If you have, by now, made the switch to unrefined carbohydrates, you will already be working hard to keep your blood-sugar levels on an even keel. It is the energy dips and troughs and long gaps between meals that trigger the adrenal glands into action, encouraging them to pimp out the stress hormones that are so harmful to sufferers of PCOS. But if you are serious about getting to the bottom of your PCOS symptoms, you really need to try to keep those adrenal glands as happy as possible. The key to adrenal health is to cut right back on caffeine. Anything containing caffeine acts as a stimulant that will make your body release more of the stress hormones and cause blood-sugar-levels to fluctuate. We know that women with PCOS have increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol, so it is vital to help reduce these in order to reduce insulin levels. Like alcohol, caffeine also acts as a diuretic, so if you drink a lot, you risk losing valuable nutrients like zinc (which is crucial for hormone balance) through your urine.*

I do need to add that in the same breath that I’ve seen other websites on PCOS disagreeing with the no coffee statement of Dr. Marilyn but if you have PCOS and your struggling with acne, I recommended just trying it for a month. I tried it, saw I benefited from not drinking coffee and now I only drink coffee every now and again. There is a lot of options out there for those addicted to coffee so not all is lost. I hope this helps. I will share the face products I use another time.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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Self Love, Story Time

My Worst Bitchy Moment Ever

I will be honest. I paused before publishing this blog. What if people start to see me as a bad person? What if my true intention that I want to achieve with this blog gets lost? What if I didn’t do a good enough job to explain myself properly? This is nerve wrecking but I’m a big girl and I’m not ashamed to confess that I made a mistake. I said some things that was wrong and I didn’t mean any of it. I think what’s important about growing up is not being afraid to admit when you’re wrong and trying your utmost best to make it right. So enough stalling. I’m going to click publish and just hope the message will be received.

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My worst bitchy moment ever, happened a few years ago here in the Netherlands. Onno and I just started dating and we went to Starbucks for a drink. We were in that awkward stage of the year where it’s sometimes hot but you better be prepared for rain. At this point of my life I was a few months in my fitness journey and finally losing weight. I still didn’t have the confidence to show skin or any of that. My warped way of thinking was if I can’t pull it off then someone bigger than me certainly won’t be able to pull it off. You’re allowed to slap my past self. I think about this often. I honestly and truly wish I can take back those words and I can only imagine how much it hurt this girl and if I can ever meet her again I would definitely apologize.

In front of us in the Starbuck line, a bigger girl was wearing a black shirt with a open back. I loudly said that oh wow she’s wearing that? Like I can’t pull that off and I’m so much skinnier then her. Yeah. I said that. Out loud. She could hear me. Imagine the worst bitchy voice you’ve heard in a movie, that was me. She did hear me and talked to her friend next to her in Dutch. I have no idea what she said as back then my Dutch was really rusty. I however didn’t stop there. Oh no. It gets worse. I then pressured Onno to agree with me. The poor guy was so awkward and didn’t know how to tell me to shut the hell up. It truly was my worst bitchy moment ever.

I felt so horrible about my own body I felt like it was perfectly okay to hate on this girl. A real life troll. The thing is losing weight isn’t going to magically give you body confidence and self love. You’re not magically going to become a better person because you lost a few pounds. I’m not saying I’m a horrible person but that moment…I sure as hell wasn’t my true self.

I’m truly sorry for hurting your feelings. I was a bitch and I didn’t mean a single word I said that day.

The point I want to achieve with this blog is that people change and sometimes people say things without a filter without meaning them. Sometimes you hurt someone even though you never meant to do so. The best thing you can do is apologize. Correct your wrongs and learn from them. Don’t make the same mistake again. Become a better person. Today I pause and consider my words more.

Thank you so much for reading and I will see you in a click!

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